Regardless of how her health issues were resolved, Amelia knew that she’d never be the same person she’d once been. Walking through the loss of her career and her dreams had changed her.
She no longer trusted that hoping and dreaming and working hard for something would guarantee she’d achieve it.
All the hard work. All the high hopes. All the lofty dreams. It could all come to naught in the end.
“I just want you to be… happy,” Ben said. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted. I walked away when you asked me to because I thought it meant you’d be happy since you could focus on reaching your goals.”
Amelia stared at him. At his beautiful blue eyes, which held such concern. For her.
“I wanted you to be happy too,” Amelia said. “And you deserved more than a distracted girlfriend who wasn’t available to do all the fun things couples do.”
And he still deserved a girlfriend who could do things at a moment’s notice. Not one who had to plan out her activities based on how much energy they’d require and how much energy she had to spend on other things.
Ben frowned. “That’s why you broke up with me? Because you thought I deserved someone different?”
“Partly, yes.”
“You should have given me a choice, Amelia,” Ben said.
Amelia gripped the strap of her purse in both hands. “No, Ben. I knew you wouldn’t agree. You’re such a good man. You wouldn’t have agreed that someone else might be better for you than I was.”
“You’re right, I wouldn’t have,” he said. “Because I’ve clearly not found someone else who was better than you.”
Amelia shifted her gaze past him to the stairs. “You’re still young.”
“Tell me you feel nothing for me.”
She looked back at him. “What?”
“Tell me you feel nothing for me.”
“I don’t understand what you mean.”
“You’re going to try to use that excuse to keep us apart again, now.” Ben shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “I still don’t buy that reasoning, Amelia. The only reasoning I’ll buy is that you feel nothing for me.”
Amelia couldn’t do that. Not without lying, and right then her heart wouldn’t let her lie. But it also wouldn’t let her bare her heart to him either. Not yet. Not when there was so much uncertainty.
When she didn’t reply, Ben’s expression softened. “We’ll talk more about this… later. Just know that I’m here for you.”
Reaching out, he cupped her face in his hands. When he leaned forward, her eyes fluttered shut, and then she felt the light press of a kiss on her forehead.
It had been ten years since he’d last kissed her like that, but it felt like just yesterday.
His hands moved from her face, and when Amelia opened her eyes to look up at him, she saw affection in his expression. Something she’d never thought she’d see again.
He took a couple of steps back from her. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
Amelia nodded, then watched as he turned and jogged to the stairs. Just before he disappeared, he turned and blew her a kiss.
She stood for a minute, staring at the empty stairs. When she turned to open the door to her apartment, Amelia realized she was smiling.
That was not good.
She was in no position to be happy that Ben wanted them to try again. He might think differently, but she knew. Her life was too much of a mess to be considering a relationship.
Even though it went against everything inside her heart, she knew she couldn’t let him get his hopes up that this time would be different.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
