But his appearance wasn't what had captured her heart. It was something deeper. He had an inner radiance that had pulled her toward him years ago and was drawing her in again now.
No one else could lift her mood the way he did, helping her lower her carefully constructed walls until her true feelings emerged.
When she’d sent him out of her life, he’d taken a lot of the light with him. And it hadn’t been until he’d gone that she’d realized just how much she’d lost.
And now he was back, bringing that light into her life again. Drawing laughter out of her more than anyone else ever could.
Back in high school, her life had been focused and tightly controlled. Ben was the person who’d helped her loosen that control a bit. He’d brought balance to her life. Coaxing her out of the rink to spend time doing things unrelated to skating. Things she’d considered, at the time, to be a distraction.
Those distractions had left with Ben, but so had the balance and the light. She’d focused intently on her skating, which had helped her achieve her goals, but it had meant that when her ability to skate had disappeared, so had her whole life. There had been nothing left to focus on but her health. Her life had become dulled with pain, exhaustion, and worry.
Until Ben had reappeared with his bright smiles, infectious laugh, and his determination to be a part of her life again.
But it was only temporary, and when Ben left again, he’d take the light and laughter with him. And this time, she’d have nothing positive to focus on like she had the last time.
But what right did she have to want to keep him in her life? She had nothing to offer him anymore.
“Hey.” Ben leaned forward and gently poked her arm. “Where did you go?”
She blinked and focused on him. “What?”
“It was like you drifted away,” he said, his brow furrowed. “To somewhere that wasn’t very happy.”
“Sorry. Sometimes my thoughts get a bit fuzzy.”
“Are you being honest with me?”
She hesitated, not wanting to lie to him. “It’s just hard, sometimes, not to be reminded of a better time in my life when I’m with you like this.”
“Is that your way of saying that I bring up bad memories?”
Amelia shook her head. “No. Not bad memories.”
“Then what?
It was hard to look him in the eye because there was something there, even now, that reminded her of those days. That reminded her of how he’d felt about her back then.
“It’s nothing,” she said, giving a wave of her hand.
“I don’t believe you.” Ben’s expression had turned serious, the lighthearted sparkle had disappeared. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”
Amelia picked up her drink and took a sip, her throat suddenly having gone dry. “I don’t really have anyone who brings that time in my life into focus quite like you do.”
“What do you mean?” he asked. “I can’t tell if that’s a good or bad thing.”
Amelia stared down at her hands. “I’m not sure either.”
“You don’t like to be reminded of that time,” he said. “I guess I can understand that.”
“It’s painful to bring up those memories because I know I’ll never get back what I had then.”
“Is that why you’ve distanced yourself from Lexi?” he asked.
“Partly,” she admitted. “But also because she just didn’t understand. I was trying my hardest, but she just didn’t understand that my best was nowhere near what it once was.”
“I’m sorry about that.”
“No one understood.” She paused. “No one understands.”
