But when they were together now, was she remembering those quiet moments they’d shared all those years ago like he was?
“What’s your favorite thing to do these days?” Ben asked, needing to chase away the memories.
“Lie in bed.”
Ben looked over at Amelia, waiting for her to laugh. “That’s all?”
“Sometimes I like to read or watch videos on my phone.”
“What type of videos?”
Amelia shifted in her seat and stared down at her fries. “Most of the time I watch lifestyle videos. Homemaking. Cooking. Baking. Home decorating.”
“Is that stuff you enjoy doing?”
“Not right now,” she said, her voice soft. “I’m lucky if I can keep my apartment clean and my laundry done. If I start a project, there’s no guarantee I’ll be able to finish it.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “That you’re not able to do things you enjoy.”
“About the only thing I can do that I really enjoy these days is eat.” She lifted the fries, then gestured to herself. “But I’m sure you can see that for yourself.”
Ben could hear the derision in her voice. The disgust for herself. And he hated it.
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Ben said. “Nothing at all.”
She gave a harsh, humorless laugh. “Everything is wrong with me. Everything. I have a body that can’t do what I need it to. That can’t doanything.I hate it. All I can do is sit around and eat.”
The fry container crumpled in her hands as she turned to stare out the front window.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I’m always upset. I just usually hide it better.” She didn’t turn to look at him. “I just wanted you to know how messed up I am now. I think you think I’m the same person I was ten years ago, but I’m not. She is buried beneath pain, loss, andfat.”
“You’re not fat,” Ben said.
“Compared to where I was even two years ago, I am,” she said. “I’m not comparing myself to anyone else. I’m comparing myself tome. To the me I was not that long ago. I’m a stranger in my body now. A stranger in my life.”
Ben reached out and took the fry container from her and set it in the console. Holding both her hands in his, he waited until she looked at him.
“I’m sorry you feel that way, Lia. No one should ever feel like that. But I want you to know that when I look at you, I still see the Amelia I once knew and hung out with.”
“No, you don’t,” Amelia said, pulling her hands away from him and tucking them under her arms. “You didn’t even recognize me the first time you saw me at the church.”
This time, her voice held a wealth of hurt, and he knew that he had caused it.
“I’m sorry about that,” Ben said, knowing that his words were woefully inadequate. “I have no excuse.”
“You don’t need an excuse when there’s a perfectly valid reason,” she said. “I don’t look the same.”
“You do look a bit different, but you’re still you,” Ben said. “And the differences don’t make you look bad. You’re still as beautiful as ever.”
He wanted her to know that, but somehow he doubted he would be the one to convince her of that. He’d already stuck his foot in it by not recognizing her the first time he’d seen her.
Amelia shifted in the seat, facing fully forward again. Reaching around to grab the seatbelt, she said, “I’d like to go home.”
“Amelia, please… Just finish eating first.”
“I’m not hungry anymore. I’ll eat it later.”
