"My family tried to encourage me. They quoted Romans 8:28 to me a lot," Amelia said, her voice tightening. "You know, 'all things work together for good.' But I couldn't see it then, and I still can't see it now."
"That's a tough verse to hear when you're suffering," Ben agreed, his eyes never leaving her face. "Sometimes people use it as a quick encouragement in complex situations."
Amelia felt something loosen in her chest at his understanding. She'd expected him to try to fix her spiritual crisis too, but instead, he was simply listening.
"And yet you’re still going to church,” Ben said. “Volunteering. Helping out.”
Amelia took a bite of her salad, needing a moment to gather her thoughts. Ben didn’t say anything either, just continued to eat his meal.
“I did it so I wouldn’t have to explain how I was really feeling,” Amelia said. “I didn’t need any more lectures or helpful insights into my situation. People wanted me to react a certain way to what had happened, so I did my best to give them that.”
“You’ve blocked everyone out of every part of your life, haven’t you?” Ben’s voice was gentle, but his words hit her like a sledgehammer.
“I had to.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t want their pity,” she said. “And I didn’t want advice on how to cope with the loss of my career and my health issues. When I was around them, it felt like I wasn’t allowed to grieve. I wasn’t allowed to feel bad about what I was dealing with.”
"Sometimes people don't know how to handle someone else's pain," Ben said, setting his fork down. "Especially when there's no easy fix."
Amelia nodded. "I stopped telling people how I was really doing. It was easier to give them what they wanted to hear. To pretend I was handling everything with grace and faith."
Ben reached across the table, his fingers lightly brushing over hers. “But you’re not pretending with me right now, are you?”
Amelia glanced down at her food. “No. I’m not.”
Ben’s phone rang, stalling the conversation. He pulled it from his pocket and stared at the screen for a moment before he tapped the screen and lifted the phone to his ear.
“Luca?” he said. “What’s up?”
Amelia watched as a frown furrowed Ben’s brow.
“What?” Alarm replaced the frown. “Are they taking him to Coeur d’Alene?”
Amelia’s stomach knotted at the worry she saw on Ben’s face.
“Okay. I’ll be waiting downstairs.”
“What’s happened?” Amelia asked as he ended the call.
Ben slid off his seat and returned his phone to his pocket. “My dad’s collapsed. The EMTs are taking him in the helicopter to Coeur d’Alene. Luca will be here in a minute to pick me up, and we’re driving to the hospital there.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” she asked, wanting to be there for him.
“I don’t know how long I’ll be there,” he said. “It’s probably better if you stay here.”
Amelia didn’t argue with him because she knew he was right. She would just be a distraction when he needed to focus on his dad. He couldn’t be worried about her and his dad at the same time.
Following him to the door, she said, “Will you let me know how he’s doing?”
Ben turned and gave her a nod. “As soon as I know anything.”
“I hope he’s okay,” Amelia said as he opened the door. “I’ll be praying for him.”
“Thanks.” Ben’s phone buzzed again, and after he checked it, he said, “Luca’s here. I have to go.”
Amelia leaned against her door jamb, watching as Ben’s long strides took him away from her. Her heart ached to run after him and beg him to let her go with him, to let her support him through a difficult time, but she didn’t want to chance her body betraying her and then distracting him from his dad.
