“Thanks. I appreciate that.”
As Ben left Julian and Kiara’s, he had mixed feelings. He was still worried about Amelia, but he had a new perspective on what she might be thinking and how he might be able to approach her.
His heart felt lighter, though, having given words to his feelings.Love.Yes, he loved her in a way that was deeper and stronger than the love that teenage Benji had held in his heart for Amelia.
The determination and independence he’d admired about her as a teen, and even now, were things that were working against him.
She seemed determined to deal with her health by herself. And he wasn’t the only person she was keeping at arm’s length.
He didn’t know why she didn’t want the people who loved and cared for her the most to know the depths of her pain and suffering. Something was making her close off herself, and he desperately wanted to know what it was.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
As he neared the main house, Ben decided he wasn’t ready to go in just yet, so he veered off onto the road that would take him past Annie’s house before looping back past Jude and Angie’s.
Though the sun had fully set, wrought-iron globe lamp posts illuminated the road.
As he walked, Ben felt a strong need to really give the situation with Amelia some thought. He had to ignore his emotions, set aside his love for her, and look at it very practically.
If he was going to go to Amelia and tell her that he wanted to be by her side as she dealt with her health issues, he needed to be able to show her that he’d put thought into his decision. That he wasn’t just letting emotion drive him forward.
Without knowing exactly what her diagnosis might be, he could only go on what she’d told him already and what he’d witnessed himself. The main things he knew about were the pain she experienced in her muscles and joints and the exhaustion that seemed to overwhelm her without any reason.
She’d already hinted about how difficult it was to plan too far in advance. About how she sometimes had to back out of plans at the last minute because of an increase in her pain or her exhaustion.
Would that be a difficult thing to handle?
On the surface, Ben had to admit that it might be. But the flip side to that was that outside of his work, it was rare that he was so locked into something that he couldn’t be flexible about it.
Unlike his mom and dad, he didn’t have a super busy social life. Even though his dad had retired and they no longer lived inNew York City, they still returned a few times a year for big social events, like the Burke Foundation fundraiser. Those were events at which his parents had to make an appearance.
That wasn’t the case for him. He attended some events, but his presence wasn’t demanded, and he knew that his parents would be understanding if he had to miss something because of Amelia’s health.
On a more personal note, he did have to wonder how her pain and exhaustion might affect an intimate relationship.
As teens, she’d been happy to hug and kiss him, though they’d established definite physical boundaries. Ben had no idea how she felt about physical contact now, though. It was something he needed to consider, however, because he wasn’t just interested in a long-term dating situation. He wanted marriage, and with marriage came intimacy.
Realistically, as long as they communicated how they were feeling with regards to that intimacy, he thought they could make it work.
As he walked along in the darkness, Ben came to the conclusion that open and honest communication was going to be key if a relationship was going to work between them.
The unfortunate part was that Amelia didn’t seem to want to be very open about her health situation. Would she be willing to work on that?
There was one thing that Ben had that could make everything easier, and that was money.
If they were to get married, she wouldn’t need to work. On the days when she felt bad, she could do what she needed to without worrying about having to miss work. If that meantstaying in bed, she could do that. If it was just lying low at home, she could do that too.
It would be an easy thing to offer her. A life of luxury that would make dealing with her diagnosis easier.
But even though he could offer her that, it wasn’t what Ben needed her to know.
What he needed her to understand was that with or without money, he’d be there for her. With or without money, he would be there to support her through the bad days and to celebrate the good ones.
He would be there to hold her when she cried, to listen when she needed to vent, and to simply be present when all she needed was someone to sit with her in silence.
That was what love meant to him. Not fixing everything, because he knew he couldn't, but standing by her side through whatever came their way.
Ben glanced up at the star-filled sky, breathing in the cool evening air. The scent of pine and earth filled his senses, grounding him as his thoughts continued to race.
