“Because I am. Sweetheart, your memories might be gone forever, but that talent isn’t. And quit claiming you don’t know who you are. You’re Allegra Spalding, survivor and fighter.Hot-headed and stubborn. Kind and loving. Logical and calm. Approachable and adaptable. Strong and loyal. You bend and adjust, and nobody can take that from you. That’s who you are. Stop saying you don’t know. You do. And we see you,” Shotgun murmured.
Oh crap. That caused more tears. Those words sank into my bones.
“What if the old me returns?”
“And? Baby, you aren’t much different, and I’m sure your family will agree. A couple of minor quirks, but deep down, you’re the same girl I fell head over heels in love with.”
“Wow,” I replied. Guilt swamped me because I couldn’t say that back. I didn’t love him. Shotgun squeezed me.
“Don’t expect anything, Allegra. What attracted you to us before might have changed. One day at a time, Allegra. If you decide to try, then Rain and I will be the happiest men alive. But if you stay our friend, we’ll accept that too, even though that’s heartbreaking. Don’t fall in love with one of us and not the other. That won’t work,” Shotgun murmured.
“No, that would be unkind.”
How did I explain that I was attracted to them, but didn’t know if I could love them? False hope was cruel and spiteful, and I didn’t want to create that. I leaned more towards Rain than Shotgun, even though he was gorgeous. But a little voice inside my head screamed that Shotgun had picked Hellfire over me once, and he’d do it again.
Shotgun
He felt the barriers come down. Allegra was putting distance between them. Something had entered her mind, and it hadcaused doubt. They’d lost the moment. He stepped back and motioned with his arms.
“What do you think?” he asked to distract her.
“This will be beautiful. Even if I don’t… the twins will love coming here.”
“Shared parenting?”
Allegra tipped her head. “I should feel panicked at that idea, but I don’t. I’ve fallen in love with these little horrors.” Allegra shifted Wade’s weight, and Shotgun took him off her, and then Darcy. Both kids were half asleep, so he let them use his shoulder as he rocked gently back and forth.
“Maybe if I remembered the mother-bond between us, I’d be more against that. But I’m not. Don’t get me wrong, though, I absolutely love them to bits.”
“Then why are you knocking yourself out? Who gives a fuck if you can’t remember the bond? You’re forming that with them now. Same as Rain and me, we’re all in the same boat, but the one thing we can agree on is we love these kids, right?”
“Yes. Sorry…”
“Allegra, enough apologising for the amnesia. You didn’t choose it; it happened. Stop being sorry; quit saying 'I don’t remember'. We all know you don’t, so baby, take a deep breath and embrace life. A terrible accident that robbed you of the past, not your future. So, stop letting that hold you back.”
“Do you think I am?” Allegra asked, looking intrigued.
“Yeah. Many people let it imprison them because they’re ashamed of their actions or can’t move past a certain moment. They’re trapped in time, scared, embarrassed, regretful. You’re not. Nothing is stopping you from moving forward except yourself and fear. Kick fear to the curb. Who the fuck needs it?”
Allegra grinned. “You’re right.”
“Damn well am.”
“Show-off,” Allegra muttered, and Shotgun smiled. Somehow, he felt a massive milestone had been reached. He’d no idea what, but Allegra seemed lighter. If he’d helped, then he was happy. He looked at her beautiful face and realised he’d break his back every day to get Allegra to love them again. She was worth it.
Chapter Thirteen.
Rain
All I wished was to leave work, but the weather seemed determined to thwart me. The rain was literally coming down in sheets. Annoyed, I stared out of the building, knowing I’d parked on the other side of the parking lot. Racing across that in this downpour meant I’d be soaked within seconds.
“That looks like hell, and even if we got to the cars, we can’t drive in it,” one of my team said from behind.
“Not disagreeing there, Ed. I’m hoping it will lighten up a bit.”
“Well, I’m returning to the lab. There was a culture I had my eye on,” Ed stated and walked away.
I sighed and waited. Damn it, I wanted to leave. Allegra was supposed to be coming for dinner, and I didn’t want to be late. Ten minutes ticked by before the weather eased, and I dashed out.
