I leaned back in my chair, a strange calm settling over me.The waiting would be the hardest part.Whatever came next, I’d deal with it the same way I dealt with everything -- head-on, no bullshit, no apologies.
If Lavender needed something from me, she’d have to take me as I am now.Not the Rhys she remembered, but Knight.The harder, colder, more dangerous boy she’d once loved.
I turned off my monitors, plunging the room into darkness.Tomorrow would bring whatever it brought.
And for the first time in eleven years, that included a daughter I never knew I had.
Chapter One
Lavender
The steady beep of the heart monitor had become the soundtrack of my life over the last year.Sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night hearing that sound even when I wasn’t at the hospital.My back ached from the uncomfortable chair recliner that had been my home for too many hours each day, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave Brynn’s side for more than a bathroom break or a coffee run.My hair felt grimy, even pulled back into the poofy ball of curls I’d restrained in a hair tie three days ago.
I shifted in the chair, my body protesting with a symphony of pops and cracks.It was times like this I felt every one of my thirty-five years.The antiseptic smell had long since burned itself into my nostrils, becoming as familiar as my own scent.Cincinnati Children’s Hospital had an excellent reputation with children’s health.Everyone had been nothing but kind and compassionate, but right now it just felt like an expensive prison where my daughter and I were serving time for crimes we never committed.
My phone sat heavy in my palm as I scrolled through the DNA service apps for the thousandth time.My thumb moved mechanically, muscle memory guiding it through each site’s interface.I thought I might be getting a callus I’d scrolled so much since first submitting Brynn’s DNA.So far, nothing but the occasional random “eighth cousin.”
“Come on.Just… give me something.Anything.”I muttered to myself as I checked each app.It didn’t really surprise me not to find anything, but this had become my life since finding out how sick Brynn had gotten.
The coffee stain on my sweatshirt had taken the shape of Australia.I’d been wearing these clothes for three days straight, changing only my underwear in the tiny hospital bathroom.The nurses had stopped giving me sympathetic looks and started offering the shower in the family room.I’d take them up on it soon.Maybe tomorrow.If Brynn had a good night.
“Ma’am?”A quiet voice broke through my concentration.A new nurse, younger, with kind eyes and a name tag that readMelissa, stood in the doorway.“Can I get you anything?We have some sandwiches in the break room.”
“No, thanks.”My voice came out rougher than I intended, scratchy from crying when Brynn managed to sleep.I cleared my throat.“I’m fine.”
She nodded and disappeared only to return with a chicken salad sandwich, a bag of chips, a carton of milk, and a bottle of water.“Lisa said you hadn’t eaten all night.”She sat her cache on the bedside table and rolled it over to where I sat.“We’ve got standing orders from the senior nurse on the unit to make sure we take care of the mother and the child.”She squeezed my shoulder gently.“I expect most of that to be eaten when I come back in an hour.”Then she left again.
I glanced over at Brynn, her small form barely making a bump under the thin hospital blanket.Her chest rose and fell with shallow breaths, her face pale against the white pillowcase.Her midnight-blue hair, a rebellion I’d allowed because God knows the kid deserved something she could control, now looked dull and flat.The IV in her arm was taped securely.
My beautiful, brilliant, fierce little girl had been reduced to this fragile creature by a stupid strep infection that had spiraled into a nightmare.I’d started the whole “trying to find Rhys” thing the day I’d been told she’d need a kidney transplant.I’d launched my campaign in earnest when they realized she’d developed an antibody in her blood that made her harder to match with a kidney her body wouldn’t reject.Now, I checked every single service I’d subscribed to multiple times a day.
Rhys Leahy had been the love of my life.Still was.Maybe I held on to a pipe dream, but even after he’d basically told me to fuck off and quit taking my visits and returned all my letters, Rhys captured my heart and I didn’t want anyone else.I had our daughter.She’d been more than enough to fill my life with so much joy.
Now, I needed Rhys like I’d never needed him before.I didn’t really understand everything the doctors tried to explain other than whatever antibody she had in her blood now made finding a suitable kidney donor next to impossible outside of an immediate family member, preferably a twin or a parent.My blood type didn’t match.Which made Rhys the only person who might be a match for our daughter.
My phone buzzed and a notification banner appeared at the top of my screen.An email.Probably just another hospital billing reminder or pharmacy alert.I swiped it away without reading it, then froze as my brain registered what I’d glimpsed.
An email from one of the DNA sites with a message.I tried not to get excited.But, Goddammit, even the very distant relative notifications had been few and far between.I opened my email app then saw the name and fucking froze.
Ada Leahy.Rhys’ sister.
My fingers trembled so badly I dropped the phone onto my lap, my heart suddenly hammering against my ribs like it wanted to escape.After six months of searching, after eleven years of nothing, after pushing away the memory of him for so long, I stared down at the message sitting in my inbox, afraid to touch my phone for fear this wasn’t real.I knew before I even opened the message Ada might have been the one to send her DNA, but Rhys would be the one to answer me now.
“Jesus,” I whispered, picking up the phone again.My hands shook so violently I had to grip it with both of them to steady it.The screen blurred as tears welled in my eyes.I’d prepared for this moment for months.Rehearsed what I would feel, what I would do.But now that it was here, all my preparation evaporated like morning dew under a brutal sun.I squeezed my eyes shut, took a deep breath, and opened the email.
The message was short.Brutally short.
Lavender.Why are you looking for me?
That was it.No pleasantries, no “How are you after all these years.”Just a direct question that cut through everything else.But it was him.He’d recognized my name, known it was me.Which meant he had to know Brynn was his daughter.It hurt he didn’t acknowledge her when there was no way he didn’t remember.Rhys never forgot anything.He was brilliant, something he’d passed on to his daughter.
I stared at the screen, reading his words over and over.The Rhys I’d known had been gentle, thoughtful, verbose even.This message felt like it came from someone else entirely.Someone suspicious and defensive.I supposed his life lessons had turned him into someone I couldn’t recognize because I couldn’t possibly understand what he’d gone through.
But it didn’t matter who he’d become.All that mattered was that he’d responded.That he was alive, findable.That there was finally,finallya glimmer of hope for Brynn.
I looked over at my daughter’s sleeping form before going back to my phone.The antiseptic smell suddenly seemed stronger, the fluorescent lights harsher.I pressed my palm against my chest, trying to slow my racing heart.After eleven years, Rhys Leahy was back in my life, for however brief a time.And I had no idea who he’d become.
I took a deep breath that did nothing to calm me and started typing.
