I snorted coffee out my nose, barely managing to get a napkin over my face before the liquid went everywhere.“Oh, my God!You’ve got to ask Knuckles that same exact question.”
She smiled… And there she was.My Lavender.The years melted away and we were at a local McDonalds, dipping our fries in a chocolate milkshake.I had no hope of winning this battle I fought with myself.Lavender had always been the other half of my soul.I’d never been more sure of that fact than I was when looking at her now.
I cleared my throat, trying to snap myself out of the spell she’d cast over me.“You were finishing up your masters in education.Do you teach now?”
She shook her head.“I did.For a while.”Her smile was less relaxed now, sadder.“Between Brynn’s appointments and the cost of childcare…” She shrugged.“I miss being in the classroom, but it’s not something I can do again for a while.Not until Brynn’s in a more stable medical situation.”
“Are you able to work at all?”I asked.“You can’t have predictable time available.”
“I work for a company that designs and sells educational templates for teachers to create their own digital lessons.I help pull the information together for them to choose their lessons from.”
“You can work from home?”
“I can work from any Wi-Fi connection.Comes in handy when we’re in the hospital.”
The sacrifices she’d made burned in my throat.“That must have been hard.Giving up something you loved.”
“Some sacrifices are easier than others.”Her eyes flickered to mine, then away.The unspoken comparison to my own choices hung between us.
I leaned back slightly in my chair.A strand of hair had fallen across her cheek, and my fingers itched to brush it back, to feel the softness of her skin again.
“She’s really something, Lavender,” I said instead.“Smart as hell.Fierce.You did that.You raised her right.”
Color touched her cheeks.“She’s her father’s daughter too.I’m smart, but that brain of hers didn’t come from me.”
The acknowledgment, casual as it was, settled something inside me.I took a sip of coffee, stealing glances at her over the rim of my cup.The overhead lights couldn’t diminish the vitality in her face, the strength evident in every line.This woman had raised our daughter alone, had built a life without me, had somehow managed to remain the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
“I meant what I said earlier,” I said, my voice dropping lower.“I’m not going anywhere this time.Whatever happens with the transplant, I want to be part of Brynn’s life.If you’ll allow it and she wants it.”
Lavender’s fingers tightened around her cup.“And if I said no?”
“I’d respect your decision.But I hope you wouldn’t.”The raw honesty scraped my throat.“I’ve missed too much already.Admittedly, it was my own fault, but I’d like a chance to be a friend to her.To give her another layer of protection.”
She studied me, searching my face for something.“You’ve changed.”
“In some ways.”I held her gaze.“Not in others.”
Her lips curved slightly, and I caught a glimpse of the girl who’d once held my heart in her hands.Who still did.
“We’ll see,” she said finally, but the edge had softened in her voice.She reached for her coffee again, her fingers brushing mine across the table.This time, neither of us pulled away.
Chapter Six
Lavender
I sat in the hospital parking lot, engine idling, hands frozen on the steering wheel.I’d gone home briefly to get me and Brynn some more clothes and to pay the rent, and had gotten a huge surprise.The red and white eviction notice still burned in my memory like an afterimage from staring at the sun.Three months behind.How had I not noticed we were three months behind on the fucking rent?The dashboard clock blinked 4:37 PM.Barely three hours since I’d left.No one would be expecting me for at least another hour so I could wait before I went inside.I wanted to go back to Brynn’s side, but I couldn’t seem make myself turn off the ignition, couldn’t make myself move.
Three hours to Columbus and back round trip.Three wasted hours to discover we had nowhere to go once Brynn was released.The memory replayed itself, an endless loop of humiliation.Standing in the apartment complex parking lot, confused by the new lock on our door.A dozen faded notices hanging in tatters on the door.Knocking on the building manager’s office, the pitying look on his face as he handed me fresh copies of the paperwork.
“We sent all the legal notices, mailed and posted on the door, and I tried calling you multiple times, Ms.Calloway.”His voice had been professionally sympathetic.“I told the boss your kid was real sick.He gave you an extra month, but the owners are ridin’ him to move someone else in.”He patted my shoulder awkwardly.“I’m sorry, little lady.I can’t do much, but I can let you and your girl stay with me until you find a new place if you need.Lord knows you helped me enough when my Sara passed.”
I’d nearly broken down then.All I’d done for him was make sure he had supper each night.The only thing the man could safely cook was coffee.If it was instant.And the tap water was hot.He’d once nearly set his own apartment on fire when he tried to recycle unpopped microwave popcorn kernels.
He said he’d gotten the storage company to “waive” the first month’s fee for holding my stuff.I figured he’d paid the fee himself.He’d asked after Brynn and wished her well.I’d said my goodbyes because I knew I’d never see that place again.Even if Brynn made a full recovery, if we were moving, we’d move closer to Cincinnati.
Maybe.
Panic threatened to pull me under as my mind skittered over the mental math I’d been avoiding the past hour and a half.Three months’ rent at nine hundred dollars.Plus late fees.Assuming I wanted to keep the apartment, which was unlikely even if they hadn’t already signed a rental agreement with someone else.Hospital cafeteria meals.Gas for the three-hour round trips between Columbus and Cincinnati.The meager paychecks from my remote work stretching thinner and thinner as the work I could reasonably commit to and complete in a timely manner dwindled.
