As I held her gaze amid the chaos, I knew that I had lost her.
***
Night had fallen when Penelope finally returned to her chamber.
I was standing by the window, watching the lights flickering in the distance like fallen stars, the sound of Ithaca’s festivities brightening the midnight sky. Even from here, I could hear their victorious, drunken chants dancing on the breeze.
The other handmaids had gone to join the celebrations, swept up in the infectious atmosphere. It had not yet dawned on them what Odysseus’s return truly meant, how much it would change our lives here.
Only Thratta did not join the revelry, choosing to retire to bed early. I did not blame her. After all, the Thracians had fought on the Trojans’ side. It must have been sickening to witness the celebration of her own people’s defeat.
I sensed Penelope’s presence without turning.
“I am sorry,” she whispered, voice worn. She sounded exhausted. “I wanted to tell you first, but the council forced me to make the public address. They wanted to quell the panic that had spread after Achilles’s death.”
A silence settled, seeping into those cracks we knew had already begun forming between us.
“Please say something,” Penelope breathed.
I forced myself to turn and meet her gaze, my smile numb. “This is good news. I am happy for you.”
Her surprise was lined with a shimmering thread of sadness. “You are?”
I nodded. “With Odysseus coming home, the throne will be safe.Youwill be safe, and Telemachus too. Nothing is more important than that.”
My words were true, though they rang with a hollow ache inside me.
Penelope’s smile carried the heaviness in her eyes. “And you will finally be granted your freedom.”
Freedom.The word no longer seemed as beautiful as it once had. Whereas before it had evoked so much possibility, so much hope, it now felt…lacking, as if a piece had been carved out of it. The only piece I had ever truly wanted.
“I would understand…if you chose to leave,” Penelope continued. “But please know there would always be a place for you here if you wanted it.”
DidI want that? Could I stand by and watch Penelope play the dutiful wife? Could I simply forget all that had passed between us?
No. I could never forget, and I knew that ugly, poisonous jealousy would eat me alive. To see her day after day withhim, to know each night she sharedhisbed… And yet what was the alternative?—To never see Penelope again? Both paths were too painful to think of.
Were these really my only options—being tortured by Penelope’s presence or the absence of it?
“Thank you,” was all I could reply.
“I will do everything I can,” she whispered, “to protect what we have built here.”
She lifted her gaze to the sky, looking nothing like a wife rejoicing in her husband’s imminent return. Rather, she looked as though she were in mourning, a stark sorrow cradling her face.
Instinctively, I reached up to cup her cheek. I could not help myself. Penelope leaned into my touch, her eyes fluttering closed.
“Melantho.” My name was a whisper steeped in sorrow. “He’s coming home.”
“I know.”
“We cannot…not anymore.”
“I know.” The words burned in my throat.
She was right. Of course she was.
Punishment for a wife’s adultery was severe, sometimes even deadly. What if it were worse for infidelity between women? We hadbeen foolish enough to indulge our desires the previous night. The last ten summers had made us reckless with our freedom. But once Odysseus returned, it would be a death sentence to continue anything between us. He was too clever, too sharp, and the palace would once again be infested with those loyal to him, men who would be all too eager to gain their king’s favor.
