I could feel it—the dream slipping away. The future I had only just allowed myself to imagine between the two of us would be forfeit if she accepted the role of queen. The council would never allow her to court a commoner, let alone the former mercenary of a treasonous prince.
I wanted to tell her to renounce the title, to choose me over the throne. I imagined taking her away to Villaz Silven, where I had grown up and where my family waited still.
But I did none of those things. I kept those hopes locked firmly inside.
The decision was hers, and it had to be made based on what she wanted. I would not interfere, no matter how badly I wanted to.
“I think I have to do this,” Seren whispered into my hair. I felt the strands catching on her lips as she spoke, her fingers trailing alongmy spine. I melted under her touch—if only for a moment. “I know I am far better suited to the life of a soldier, but if Ayla will not lead, then I must. For the kingdom, and to provide Acsillans with a better life. It is for them, but it is also for me, a little bit. I came here to create change. Maybe this is how I am meant to do that.”
I blinked back the sting of tears welling behind my eyes. I squeezed her tightly then let go. “You will make an excellent queen.” I smiled at her because I meant the words—believed them so deeply—even if they hurt as much as they rang true.
“Thank you.” Her smile was bright—a little wobbly with nerves. She worried they had made the wrong decision, but I knew they had not. Seren had been raised in Ordelés. She had studied mágik and the customs of Acsilla.
She would become the bridge between our two kingdoms.
I would support her, even if we could never have more. But, first, I needed some time to let go of my dreams for our future. I knew I could only do so away from her tempting presence, so I said my next words, hoping she would understand. “I need to visit my family in Villaz Silven. I think it is finally time I told them the truth of what I have done these past years to support us, and also to celebrate the end of that time in my life.”
Though I needed the time away from her, the words were true. I did owe my mother and sister an explanation and an apology for my absence and my mistakes. I missed them, and as Seren had once told me, it was not too late to fix our relationship. To be there now, even if I had not always been.
“How long will you be gone?” Seren asked, clasping my hand between hers. I stroked her fingers with my thumb.
“I’m not sure,” I replied, hoping she understood that this was not what I wanted, but it was what I needed.
She frowned, a slight tilt of her pink lips. “What if I need you?”
“If you need me, send word and I will come. I told you I will be by your side for as long as you desire it, and I meant that. I just need a little time.” My chest ached at the thought of her needing me and my not being there.
A single tear rolled down her cheek as she whispered a single word, “Alright.”
I caught it with my lips, brushing them softly over her cheekbone.
“Can I kiss you? Just one more time?” The words breathed out of me before I could muster the sense to stop them.
“Just one?” Seren’s voice was strained as she tilted her face even closer to mine.
“Yes,” I breathed.
She nodded against my jaw.
I took her face between my hands and lowered my mouth to hers.
The kiss was not so frenzied as the first time, fueled by adrenaline as it had been. This kiss was slow and warm and heartbreakingly soft. Heat crackled between us with mutual wanting, but it did not bode the start of something between us. It carried the distinct weight of a goodbye.
My hands tangled in her hair, pulling loose the braids I had only just woven. Seren’s fingers dug into my back, trailing across my shoulder blades and down to the sensitive skin at my waist. I pressed her into the wall, for I needed to be closer, but I knew if I pushed her down upon the bed, we would not stop. And I needed to stop—I needed to leave, but I neededhermore.
“Please,” Seren gasped into my mouth as we began to move faster, hands slipping beneath clothes.
A groan escaped me, one hand pressed against the soft column of her throat. The other gripped her hips, pinning our bodies together. I tried to pull away, but I had never wanted anyone the way I wanted her. I kissed the slant of her swollen mouth again slowly, softly—once, twice, and a third time. I brushed my lips across her cheeks, her eyelids, the bridge of her nose.
My chest ached as I took a painful step back, letting her go despite everything in me that screamed to hold on to her forever.
“I have to go.” My voice was gruff with desire and disappointment.
“I know.” Seren pressed a hand to her heart like it might leap from her chest and follow me across the land if she didn’t hold it inside.
“Goodbye, Ren.” I could not quite meet her eye as I uttered the words. I knew if I lost myself in their depths, I would lose my will. I would fall to my knees before her.
“Stay,” she said, breathy and quick. She pressed her fingers to her mouth as if the words had slipped from her unbidden.
