I sighed, worrying at my hair with trembling fingers. I caught her gaze then dropped it, pulled my lip between my teeth. How much could I really share with her? This girl who would have killed me only a handful of days ago. This girl who I would turn over to Claudian, allowing him to do with her what he wished.
“Years ago, my sister fell ill. She was dying, and I did what I had to do to get her medicine. I made a terrible mistake that night, but I couldn’t regret it. Not really—not when the fever broke, and she smiled once again. Everything I have done, I had to do in order to protect my family. I would doanythingto protect the ones I love, Seren.” What I couldn’t say was how that didn’t stop the bitterness that crept into the dark edges of my vision each night. The sharp rush of dread which strummed the instrument of my fragility.
But she heard it anyway, unspoken in the pauses between breaths. In the bounce of my knee and the darting of my eyes.
“It’s a beautiful thing,” Seren murmured, “to love someone that deeply. Tobeloved so deeply. Who could fault you for that?”
My breath caught, and I nodded, for it was all I could do. “And who do you love unfathomably?”
“Hmm.” Seren smiled but there were tears in her eyes. She swiped at them with the cuff of her sleeve. “I have no one. Not anymore.”
The pain was a living thing within her. I could feel it reaching for me, tightening my throat with a salty tang. Each inhale was sharp and lonely, a deflated lung fighting to fill itself with life again.
“Impossible,” I assured her. “I can feel it in you, buried deep. It’s only waiting for you to set it free.”
When the hour grew late and the shadows drew long, Seren left me for the comfort of her bed. The fire dimmed without her there, or maybe it only seemed that way.
I alternated between sleeping uneasily and dwelling on my musings. Selfishly, I needed the time to process the tangled threads Seren had unspooled before me. I knew she needed time to come to terms with her decision, too. Though Seren had waved the white flag of alliance first, I knew it was not an easy choice for her. The picture she had painted of her pain and hesitations still rang through my head.
We had reached a tentative understanding, and I would do my best to honor her requests. We would move slowly, at first, but I also feared the turning of each new day. The solstice was mere weeks away, and I knew they would pass far too quickly.
I would have to find the balance.
Seren did not need to fully master her abilities, but the prince had been very clear that we needed to acquire an understanding of what she was capable of.
Unease prickled at my belly as I remembered that I did not know exactly what Claudian intended to do with Seren. I hadn’t cared enough to ask at the time, or perhaps some part of me had known that the truth was not one I wished to carry.
In the years I had been in the prince’s service, I had never been tasked to help—only to harm—and I knew one thing with certainty. I had lied to Seren; whatever the prince wanted with her, it was not to provide her with a better life.
Prince Claudian of Acsilla had proven himself, time and again, to be of disreputable character. He cared for himself and his legacy alone. He would manipulate anyone, even those closest to him to achieve his own ends.
I felt sick at the growing revelation that I had learned my own manipulations from him. I had watched the way Claudian had smoothed over his features, twisted his expression, changed the tone of his voice to win over royals, nobles, and citizens alike, while plotting their demise behind their turned backs. I had modeled myself after this man despite loathing him at every turn.
The prince’s last letter rested in my pocket, the parchment weighing more heavily with each passing hour. It remained unanswered. I worried at it, fingers stroking the soft fibers as I waited for Seren.
“What will you tell him?” Her soft voice came from behind me.
I pulled my hand away from the letter as if it had burned me. “What?”
Seren shot me an exasperated look. “You must write him back eventually.”
“I didn’t realize you paid such close attention to my correspondence,” I deflected.
“I pay close attention to everything.” Of that, I had no doubt. The little smirk on her lips confirmed as much.
“Of course, I will write him back.” I wasn’t sure if I was trying to convince her or myself. “I’ll tell him that everything is going according to plan.”
“Is it?” Seren raised a single, questioning brow.
“Goddesses, I hope so,” I muttered.
The truth of it was, I couldn’t bring myself to put my thoughts into ink, to tell Claudian what had happened these last days. I could not bear to speak the words to anyone but her. I would not.
With any luck, I would not need to.
Seren would come into her mágik, of that I had no doubt. I felt the raw power brimming within her that day at the promotion ceremony, when I had pushed her to the breaking point. I felt the painful reminder of her mágik in my tired lungs, still healing from my brush with a drowning death.
I would learn how to interact with her and teach her without my masks, as she wished, and I would deliver her to Prince Claudian by the solstice. I could not entertain any other notions which might lead me from my path.
