August shook his head. “I can’t do that to him. He’s looking to have fun and relieve his own stress because his life has been shit, too. He’s in school, raising kids and grieving the loss of his twin. It would be cruel to involve him in my drama.”
Niko wasn’t convinced, but he didn’t argue.
“And what about the history? You don’t think it will fuck with you both?” Now it was Niko’s turn to rub his face and sigh. “I hope you know how fucked up this is. You can’t even tell me if you’re still in love with Quinn, and now you want to sleep with him? Not to mention the PTSD—what if you panic and have one of your episodes?”
“Quinn doesn’t have feelings for me anymore,” said August. “He’ll make sure it stays that way. And I don’t plan on falling asleep around him because nightmares are what set me off. As for whether I love Quinn—”
August took a deep breath, holding it in for the count of five before letting it go.
“I don’t know. The reason I get confused is because the nightmares are so real and the memories are so fresh when they hit me that I can’t separate past from present.”
Niko pinched the bridge of his nose. “Hence, you needing therapy.”
August didn’t disagree, but he knew it would end with him being pulled off the team, and that would destroy the hot streak he was on.
“So, let’s say you do this tonight, and you rediscover your bisexuality—are you going to be okay with that?”
It was a good question; one August had been wrestling with all night. But when Quinn had pointed out his tattoos, it reminded him that he was no longer under his mother’s control. The NHL was his sanctuary, a place where he could be himself without fear of judgment or punishment.
Or whippings.
“If anything, it’ll make me happy,” August admitted. “Being bisexual is just another step toward breaking free from the cage my parents locked me in.”
Niko was wavering—August could tell by the way he was fighting not to smile.
“And if your egg donor finds out?” Niko asked.
August grinned. “Who knows? Maybe she’ll freak out and have a heart attack.”
Niko sucked in a breath through his clenched teeth. “Goddamn. Okay, that went dark. You really are a mess.”
August agreed.
“I’m going to suggest something,” Niko began, fidgeting nervously. “And once we clear the air, we can talk about safe sex practices—if you want.”
That was August’s original plan when he prompted this conversation, but it didn’t make it any less embarrassing. “Right. Say your piece because it’s already getting late, and I have…places to be.”
Niko’s brown skin flushed, and he groaned, shaking his head. “Fine. I know you don’t want to involve anyone else, but I really think bringing Jett and Harrison into the loop could help both of us. They understand trauma better than I do, and since they’ve been through therapy recently, they could give you some useful tips.”
And it would giveNikosomeone to share what August knew was a heavy burden for a kid so young to carry. He hadn’t meant to be selfish by ignoring Niko’s mental health, and now he was feeling like a terrible friend.
“I might have to yell at Jett first for messing with me tonight,” August said with a smirk, “but I’m open to it. Go ahead and talk to them, Neeks. Just not the others in the group—I don’t mind if they find out I’m bi, but the rest stays between us. I’ll call Jett and see what happens when we get home tomorrow.”
Niko’s smile chased away the anxiety that had been quietly creeping in, brightening the room and easing the tension between them. “Fuck—thank you. I’ll tell them to keep silent about the other stuff, but I think this is a good idea. I’m not totally on board with the sex thing, but I understand that you’re an adult, and you’re free to make your own decisions.”
The room suddenly felt too stuffy, and August tugged on his collar, like loosening the fabric might somehow make it easier to breathe. “Dude, it’s been a while. This is going to be a disaster.”
Niko was fidgeting again. “I mean, ten yearsisa significant amount of time. How much do you…remember?”
“Bits…and pieces?”
And that was how August earned himself a crash course on how to have sex with a man. He was pleased to learn that he knew most of the steps, but his nerves were still rattled by the time he left their room to meet Quinn.
One positive thing to note was that his nose didn’t start gushing blood between point A and point B, saving him the embarrassment of having to show up looking like a train wreck. He was certain the mood would be dead if Quinn opened the door and August started begging him for tampons to shove up his nose.
August’s hand trembled as he knocked on room 709, his pulse hammering so hard he swore the booming sound filled the hallway. He hoped he didn’t look as frazzled as he felt when the door swung open—revealing Quinn, his green eyes glimmering and a smirk curving his lips.
“Well, shit,” Quinn drawled, his voice low and amused. “Didn’t think you’d actually show up.”
