“I need to be here for you right now,” said August, startling Quinn from his thoughts. “I know what I’m about to ask for is weird, but could you like, hold me or something? Crush me if you can. It helps me think straight.”
Quinn had been wondering, since August told him about his memories, why he was okay with being restrained. His father had forcefully taken his control, so it would have made more sense if the shibari intimidated him, but submitting to Quinn had switched him into subspace—a place where Subs felt the most secure.
Now he knew why the pressure of the ropes and the release of control weren’t scary to August. It was something he needed to remind him that he wasn’t falling apart, and Quinn cursed himself for not thinking of that sooner.
“Don’t move that arm,” Quinn ordered. He didn’t want to lock the door in case someone came looking for him, so if they got caught hugging, he would deal with the embarrassment later.
August was so big that Quinn could wrap his arms and legs around his torso, so he sat on his lap, folded himself around August’s muscular body, and squeezed.
He was mindful of the injured arm, but Quinn knew August wasn’t feeling any discomfort when he heard the sigh he let out. Quinn strained his muscles until his limbs shook, all while pressing gentle kisses to August’s sweaty neck to help lull him into the safe zone he needed.
He knew he had succeeded when the tension in August’s shoulders melted away, leaving him limp in Quinn’s arms.
Struck by an idea, Quinn loosened his hold and leaned back so that he could see August’s half-lidded gaze and goofy smile. “Are your skates somewhere close?”
August slowly turned to the bathroom and nodded. “They stink, so I put them in there until equipment management shows up for them. I’m sure I’ll have lots of visitors once the game ends, too. I know the guys will be freaking out about Eren, so they’ll probably stop by to show their support.”
Eren. Not Callahan or Cap.
August was talking about Eren as if he were a person, and not just a title that demanded respect. For some reason, it made his heart ache.
“Okay, I want to try something,” said Quinn. “I’m stealing your laces.”
August’s expression pinched, but Quinn didn’t care if messing with his skates was a superstition thing or not. August could buy himself a new pair if he felt like dismantling them would curse them.
Quinn didn’t think he would ever get used to the smell of wet hockey gear, but he put on a brave face as he entered the bathroom and began yanking the laces free on one of the skates.
He might not be able to fix Eren—he might not be able to control life or death—but soothing August was something hecoulddo. And like how August felt safer when he gave up control, Quinn felt safer when he seized it.
Quinn washed the laces in the sink so they didn’t smell as bad and dried them off, but August would be getting into the shower after this, so he wasn’t worried about them being wet. He returned to the room and got into the bed, retaking his spot on August’s lap while he motioned for his uninjured arm.
“I’m going to knot the laces around part of your arm, your wrist, and between your fingers,” he said, draping the black strings across August’s arm to show him. “They’ll be tight enough that you’ll feel them, so when things become too much, pull on them until the pressure anchors you back into your body.”
August’s eyes were practically shimmering with relief—andthere—that was the face Quinn needed to see right now.
“Quinn…I love you.”
Quinn’s pulse kicked, jumping in his throat so fast that he had to swallow it back down before he couldn’t breathe.
“I love you, too.” Quinn leaned in to share a kiss with the smelly hockey player who had stolen his sanity—and his heart. “The two times I’ve told you have been during shitty situations, and I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, or even an hour from now, but remember that when you start to doubt yourself.”
August was glowing with happiness, even with the shadows of terror and uncertainty closing in on them. He drew Quinn closer for one more lingering kiss and then flashed him a cheeky smirk.
“Alright. String me up, puppet master. I have things to do, and you need to be there for Eren. I can take care of myself for at least a few hours.”
Quinn didn’t think so. He was sure that if he left August tied up in a padded room, he would still find a way to cause trouble.
“Palm up,” said Quinn. “And for the record, Eren needs you, too, becauseIneed you. Don’t forget that.”
August had no reply, but he was beaming while Quinn began tying knots quickly and efficiently. Knowing that August wouldn’t need him to stay by his side once he had him secured, helped shift Quinn’s focus to Eren, putting an end to the mental tug of war he had been fighting through.
It was another checkmark on the invisible list Quinn kept in the back of his mind while he measured August against some distant, half-serious vision of future husband material. He’d worried, more than hewould like to admit, that August might learn to see him as a crutch rather than a partner. But his insistence on taking care of himself made it clear that his fears were unfounded.
“Have I ever told you how strong you are?” Quinn whispered as he pulled the laces between August’s fingers. “We’re both on the verge of complete meltdowns, but here you are, surprising me again.”
August’s smile softened, like he could feel the praise all the way to his toes. “Strong for you,” he said. “Only for you.”
Quinn chuckled to hide the pain twisting deep in his gut. “And someday, I’ll convince you that it’s possible to be strong for yourself.”
