“I understand.”
He studied my face, searching for something... reassurance, maybe, or a sign that I wasn’t completely lost to this world. Whatever he found, it made him nod slowly.
“You’re as stubborn as Haizley,” he said, a ghost of a smile touching his lips. “You know that?”
“I learned from the best.”
Haizley stepped forward, pulling me into a hug that smelled like leather and vanilla and home. “Take care of yourself,” she whispered. “And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
“That doesn’t leave me with many options,” I said, managing a weak laugh.
“Exactly.” She pulled back, her eyes serious. “Be smart, Melissa. This world doesn’t forgive mistakes.”
“I know.” I looked at my best friend, really looked at her. “How are you? With everything you’ve learned?”
Haizley took a deep breath. “I’m still processing.”
“I’m always here for you,” I told her. We’d done it before. Living in separate states but always there for each other. She smiled and nodded, before hugging me again.
They left a few minutes later, Gunner pausing in the doorway to look back at me one last time. The weight of his worry, his love, his fear—it all hung in the air between us, unspoken but understood.
“I love you, Mellie,” he said.
“I love you too.”
And then they were gone, and I was alone with my half-packed suitcase and the deed to a house I refused to live in and a letter from a man who’d chosen darkness so I could have light.
I sank onto the bed, my hands trembling as I picked up the letter again. Read his words for the hundredth time. Traced the loops and curves of his handwriting with my fingertip.
I’m willing to sacrifice everything.
“So am I,” I whispered to the empty room. “So am I.”
I didn’t know what came next. Didn’t know how to reach him, how to help him, how to make him understand that his sacrifice wasn’t what I wanted. That I’d rather have him, flawed anddangerous and trapped in a world of violence, than have safety without him. I’d rather face the threats together, side by side, than spend another day in this hollow, aching emptiness that his absence had carved into my chest.
The truth was simple, even if he couldn’t see it: safety meant nothing if it came at the cost of losing him. What good was a protected life if every moment of it was spent wondering where he was, what he was doing, whether he was okay? I’d take danger with him over security without him any day of the week.
But I’d figure it out. Somehow, some way, I’d find a path forward. I’d find a way to reach him through whatever walls he’d built around himself. I’d make him see that we were stronger together than we could ever be apart.
Because Gunner was right about one thing: I was stubborn. Stubborn enough to fight for what I wanted. Stubborn enough to refuse to give up, even when giving up was the smart thing to do. Stubborn enough to keep pushing forward when every logical voice in my head told me to let go and move on.
Stubborn enough to love a man who’d walked into Hell and believe I could find a way to bring him back. To believe that love could be a lifeline strong enough to pull someone out of the darkness, even when that darkness was of their own making.
Chapter Fifty-Four
Melissa
Days later, I stood at the window. My reflection stared back at me, ghostly and transparent against the backdrop of the city beyond. The city stretched out before me: millions of lights, millions of lives, millions of stories playing out in the darkness. Each light represented someone’s home, someone’s heart, someone’s hope or heartbreak.
Somewhere out there, Rowen was beginning his new life. Taking on the mantle of leadership he’d never wanted. Becoming the monster he thought he needed to be to keep me safe. Making decisions that would haunt him, doing things that would change him in ways he might not be able to come back from.
But he was wrong about one thing.
He wasn’t alone in the darkness.
Not anymore.
Not while I still had breath in my body and fight in my heart. I pressed my palm against the glass, the cold seeping into my skin like tiny needles of ice. The window was fogged around the edges; my breath creating small clouds that dissipated almost as quickly as they formed. Below me, the city sprawled out in a tapestry of light and shadow, millions of lives unfolding in apartments and offices and darkened alleyways. Somewhere out there was the man I’d move heaven and earth to find.
