At least, Ithoughtwe both wanted it.
But from how Wylder’s been behaving, he doesn’t. Not a single bit.
It’s so fucking confusing. He’s gone from asking me to sit farther away to literally dragging my chair closer. And that’s if he doesn’t just try and insist I sit on his lap.
Which, I might add, is not “straight” behavior.
Wylder seems long past that. He uses any excuse to touch me. Half the time, he doesn’t even bother to have a reason. His hand finds its way to my knee as we work at his desk. He touches my elbow as we walk along the corridors. Sometimes, he holds the back of my neck to steer me through the house.
It’s aggravating because I’m trying to keep my distance. But what’s most irritating is that I don’t want him to stop.
Not even a little.
I fucking love it when he touches me. My body floods withwarmth wherever our skin connects. It’s as though I’m hardwired to respond to him now, my muscles relaxing at his mere proximity.
If I didn’t know better, I’d think Wylder might return my feelings.
But I do know better. Every time I find myself softening toward him, his words from our date ring in my ears.
“I’ve never needed anything more than superficial.”
I’ve never had anything more than superficial. Doesn’t mean I don’t want it though. I do. I’m not saying I need to settle down, get married, and have a bunch of kids right this second, but that’s the goal. So it doesn’t matter what Wylder is trying to do; it’s not going to happen.
We want and need very different things in life.
I just wish knowing that made it easier to resist him, to not lean into his touch or feel like I have a limb missing whenever he’s not in the room.
I might’ve been the one to start us down this road, but I regret it now. What began as a game is having real-life consequences I never predicted.
Ones that threaten to undo me entirely.
I just need to be wary. Wylder might be forcing us closer physically, but so long as I keep my distance emotionally, I’ll be okay.
It’s been a week since our date, and I’ve made great progress with Umbra. I’m so close I can practically taste their servers. A few more hours, and I should have it.
“What are you doing?”
I jump at the sound of Wylder’s voice close to my ear. I have to force myself not to look at him. Something that’s getting harder with each passing day. “Hacking.”
His breath ghosts my ear. “Umbra?”
“Obviously,” I mutter. I pretend like the code on my screen is the most fascinating thing I’ve ever seen. “Who else would I be hacking?”
“I don’t know.” His hand brushes the back of my neck, and I fight the urge to shiver. “You might’ve picked up a job off the dark web.”
“Like I’d have time with the amount of work I’m doing for you,” I grumble. In truth, I don’t mind it. Crime pays, but I don’t like it. I’d muchrather have an honest paycheck at the end of the month, but I’ve learned the hard way that that life isn’t for me. No one wants to hire someone with no qualifications, credentials, or references. “You keep me too busy.”
“Good.” His fingers tighten on my nape. “I don’t want you doing those jobs anymore.”
I frown at my screen. “Why not?”
“It’s too dangerous.”
I snort, continuing to type code. “You are aware that what you do is far more dangerous than anything I take on, right? I’m behind a screen, not clubbing people to death.”
“I don’t club people to death.” Wylder sniffs. “Cade and Samson might, but it’s too messy for me. I prefer guns.”
I shiver again, but for a different reason this time. “Gross.”
