Just as I have been by everyone else in my life.
Ansel’s the only one who’s ever stayed. But even he would’ve left me if it weren’t for the Umbra Syndicate. I’m only in the same house as him now because of the threat they pose. If they weren’t around, I’d be back in our tiny apartment, forgotten and alone.
That’s why I grinned up at Wylder and insisted we get started, and why I keep a smile on my face and tease him as I always do.
If I don’t, the fear will get me. The knowledge that this happiness won’t last. Because it never does.
Not for me. And certainly not with Wylder. The guy might’ve let me suck his cock, but that doesn’t mean anything. For fuck’s sake, I stripped in his bed last night, told him I was plugged and ready, and all but begged him to fuck me.
But he didn’t.
Even without my intelligence, I can read the signs. Wylder isn’t interested in pursuing anything with me. Which is fine. Good, even. I don’t want a relationship either.
Wylder can’t break my heart if I don’t give it to him.
And I meant it when I said we wouldn’t work. We’re too different.
We spend hours playing the games from my youth. Wylder starts off terribly, but after watching me play, he quickly picks it up.
“That’s not fair,” I exclaim as he beats my score inPac-Man. “How are you suddenly so good?”
“It’s a pattern,” he says, his eyes narrowed in concentration behind his glasses. “It’s easy enough once you work it out.”
As time goes on, the arcade slowly fills with chattering teenagers. I can’t help but notice how Wylder’s shoulders creep up around his ears. I’m not sure if it’s the crowd or the noise, but something about it is clearly bothering him.
“Can we get food?” I touch the small of his back to get his attention. “I’m hungry.”
“You’re always hungry,” he mutters. I feel him lean back into my touch, and my lips lift. “I booked us a table at a place a few doors down, but it’s not for another hour. I can call them and move the reservation up?”
Just then, the kids at the game next to us start catcalling loudly. Wylder’s expression pinches, and I shake my head. “Nah. I want some fresh air. Can we go for a walk first?”
Relief flashes over Wylder’s face. “Yes. That sounds wonderful, actually.”
I place my hand back in his before I can question it, lacing our fingers together. He hesitates before giving them a small squeeze.
Neither of us speak as we file out of the arcade, the cool air nipping at my exposed skin. I shiver lightly. “Shit, I didn’t dress for the weather.”
“You never do.” Wylder pulls his hand from mine, and I frown. It quickly disappears as a weight appears on my shoulders. Citrus andsomething that reminds me of rain-soaked forest fill my nose as his scent surrounds me. “Is that better?”
“Yes.” I smile gratefully, pulling his jacket tighter. I put my arms into the sleeves and begin to roll one up several times. Wylder sees what I’m doing and steps in to do the other for me.
I’m in fucking trouble.
My heart aches at the easy consideration he offers me. Is this what it’s like to have someone care about you?
I don’t like it. It’s too scary. Too dangerous.
Too addictive.
I push the fear away. “Won’t you be cold?”
“I have a sweater too. I’ll be fine.”
He gives me a wry smile, and my heart hammers in my chest. Fuck, he’s even more handsome with his glasses on. I never should’ve insisted he wear them. This whole date was a terrible idea.
This is completely wretched.
We start to walk through the chilly evening. I’m so distracted by these pesky…feelings that I latch on to the first conversation topic that pops into my head. “What was it like growing up with your dad? I mean, I know he was shitty from what you’ve said, but, like…what was it like?”
