Sometimes I wonder what I would’ve been like if I hadn’t been the firstborn. Would I be more carefree like some of my younger siblings? Or was I always destined to be this way?
Guess I’ll never know.
Dalton flushes, not meeting anyone’s gaze. For someone who prides himself on never having tells, he’s unable to hide them where Jackson is concerned. “I’m not. But come on, you can’t want me encouraging him. I mean, how fucked would that be?”
My brows rise. This is the first time Dalton has admitted any awareness of Jackson’s feelings.
“We don’t want you to encourage him,” Wyatt says from between gritted teeth. “The age difference between you two alone would piss me off, and these game nights are the closest I want my brother to The Firm.”
Neo leans closer to me, muttering in a low voice, “Bit much, given he’s married to Matthias, and Jackson lives with them.”
I hum in agreement. As an older brother, I understand Wyatt’s concerns. However, there’s no getting away from The Firm.
For any of us.
“Exactly,” Dalton says, nodding brusquely. “Glad we’re all in agreement.”
Wyatt exhales slowly, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s like you’re missing the point on purpose. You can keep your distance from Jackson without hurting his feelings.”
Dalton’s flush deepens. “I’m not trying to hurt his feelings, I’m trying to protect them.”
Wyatt looks positively murderous now. Matthias frowns at the sight. “Want me to draw some blood? I would do it for you.”
“No,” Wyatt sighs, squeezing Matthias’s hand. “You don’t like violence.”
My stomach clenches as it always does when this comes up. I wasn’t able to protect Matthias as well as I did Harley and Dalton.
I live with that guilt every day.
“I’ll do it,” Samson offers, palming his dagger with a smirk. “I owe him for the bloody nose.”
Bickering breaks out around the table, but I barely hear it. I’m too deep in my own thoughts, wondering how else I’ve failed my family.
How might I fail them in the future?
I’m spiraling before I can stop myself. Not that anyone can tell. I’m used to keeping my feelings on tight lockdown.
“Hey.” A hand touches my knee under the table, making me jolt. I turn my head, and through the fog of anxiety, concerned hazel eyes meet mine. “You okay?”
I nod tersely. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
Neo doesn’t give me any snark, just shuffles his chair closer. His hand moves farther up my thigh as he does so. When he whispers in my ear, it takes everything in me not to shudder at the feel of his warm breath on the sensitive skin. “Well, you’re so tense you look like you’re about to bust a vein.”
“I always look like this.”
“No, you don’t.” Neo studies me thoughtfully, and it’s an effort not to squirm under his attention. “Even when I annoy you, you don’t look like this.”
“Like what?”
His eyes are almost golden when he says, “Like something’s eating you from the inside out.”
How is it that Neo can see right through me? I need to know so I can make it stop.
No one can know when I’m struggling. Especially not someone who’s determined to make my life as difficult as possible.
A tiny object hits me square in the temple. I turn my head slowly in the direction it came from. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“We’re ready to play when you lovebirds stop flirting.” Harley smirks, unbothered by the death threats I’m promising with my eyes. “You’re the top hat.”
