He laughs, the sound hitting me in my gut. I stare at how the fading sunlight catches his jawline. God, he truly is beautiful.
“Okay, well, that’s technically not a lie. Annoying you? Yes. Driving you fucking crazy? Absolutely.” His laughter fades away as he meets my gaze. “But truly upsetting you? I don’t ever want to do that, Wylder.”
My chest expands at the force of emotion that’s swelling there. I don’t know what to say, how to articulate what I’m feeling. Instead, I offer him a piece of myself. “I hate everything in here.”
Neo looks taken aback. “You do?”
I nod, my cheeks flushed with shame. “All of it. It’s my father’s design. His taste. I can’t stand it. Whenever I walk into a room, it reminds me of him.”
“Then why haven’t you changed it?”
I stare down at the fragile china in my hands. It’s a good metaphor for how I’m feeling having this conversation. Fragile. Like the slightest pressure one way or another might make me fracture. “Because I feel like he’s still watching me.”
Neo draws closer, his knee brushing mine. “You don’t seem like the kind of person who believes in that stuff.”
“I’m not,” I respond honestly. “I’m a man of science, through andthrough. I like facts. Data. Hard evidence. If it were anyone else, I’d say they were being ridiculous. But it’s because it’s him…”
The cup is plucked from my fingers before Neo’s hands slide into mine. “Is it because he’s your father? Or because he was so shitty?”
I don’t answer. I can’t find the words.
Neo sighs. “Sorry, I should be better at this, but I’ve never had a family. Hard to miss what you’ve never had, you know?”
I raise our joined hands to press a kiss to his. “I’m sorry you grew up that way. One day, you’ll have the family you want and deserve, and you’ll never need to worry about them leaving you.”
Because it’s me. I can be that family.
It’s too soon to say that. I know it. I’m falling too fast, with no idea whether Neo is too. There’s only one thing I’m certain of.
I’ll never be able to leave Neo. Not even if he asks me to.
Even with all the awful deeds I’ve committed, I’ve never thought I was a bad person. There were reasons behind them. Logical explanations for why they needed to happen.
But this? Wanting Neo and knowing I won’t let him go? This might make me a bad person. There’s no logic. No reasoning. Even I don’t fully understand it. It’s just a base, primal need.
He’s mine.
His throat bobs as he gives me a soft smile. “Yeah. Maybe. Just need to find someone who’ll put up with me first.”
“I seem to be doing pretty well.”
“Give it time,” he says breezily. From how his gaze cuts away, he’s feeling far from breezy. “Everyone has their breaking point.”
I squeeze his hands until his eyes return to mine. The sadness there has me wanting to punch someone. Ideally, every person who’s made Neo feel unworthy in the past. “They do. You’ve found mine and surpassed it multiple times. But guess what? I’m still right here.”
And I’m not going anywhere.
“For now.” He clears his throat. “Anyway, we’re not talking about me. We’re talking about your dad. About why you feel like he’s still haunting you and making us live in this fucking mausoleum.”
We were, but I don’t want to talk about that now. I don’t give a shitabout what’s haunting me. I want to talk about what’s haunting Neo. To figure out what’s going on between us. Put a label on it, if that’s what he wants. I don’t need one—I already know he’s mine. Nothing will change that now.
But will having a label change things for Neo? What can I do to let him know that I’m in this? That he has all of me? My heart? My soul? My trust?
Because he does. Change doesn’t happen often for me, but when it does, it’s all-consuming.
That’s what’s happened with Neo. He’s smashed through my life like a firework, burning everything in his wake and shocking me to life.
To a life that has so much more color now that he’s in it.
