To claim him as mine.
I haven’t had a boyfriend since…him. The asshole I never think about. The asshole who taught me I could never trust a hearing man.
I was in my early twenties when we met. I’d been in college, but I was still young enough to think the world was going to be kind. That at a Deaf school, I would be safe from the people who wanted to hurt me.
But I wasn’t safe. He was a student at Gallaudet too—hearing and not even ASL fluent, but he was trying. I could lipread as well as anyone could and spoke to the best of my abilities, so I thought it was fine to meet him halfway.
I introduced him to my Deaf friends, and he took me to hearing parties. I thought I was in love. But one time, he didn’tknow I could see his reflection in the mirror, and he started laughing about me to his friends. About how my voice sounded. About how he could say anything and I wouldn’t know he was talking shit.
About how he could get away with cheating, and why should he care how it hurt me because I was just someone to pass the time with until he graduated and moved back across the country.
Nothing felt stable until I was back home and surrounded by the people I cared about. Only in that time, I’d gotten bitter.
I’d grown tired.
I’d been bound and determined to never put myself in that position ever again.
Then Dex had come along and changed everything.
Looking down at the T-shirts in my hands, I feel a tiny pulse in my chest. It’s almost like a second heartbeat. It beats out the pattern of his name.D E X. D E X. D E X. D E X.
I know this feeling too well. I wasn’t sure I was really in love with Robbie the way I told myself I was. Robbie was easy, simple. He would never ask me for more than what we had, so I could use him as a scapegoat for never moving past my ex.
Only he’d gone and fallen in love with Thom, and with that love, he brought Dex into my life.
I want to hate him for it, but I can’t.
Dex glances over his shoulder just as he ducks into the queue of people, and he smiles, bright and full of sunshine. He has no business being with someone like me, but I’m selfish enough to want him anyway.
Even if that means ruining him a little bit.
Only…something in me tells me that might not happen. Not if I’m willing to try.
With a breath, I walk over to the next table and try todistract myself with the selection of books. I eye one—an old-looking version ofDracula. It makes me think of Archie, and I laugh, reaching for it, when suddenly, I feel a tap on the shoulder.
I turn. I don’t recognize the man behind me, but he’s got a vendor badge hanging around his neck, and he’s yelling something. I can make out the sound of his voice, but not the words, and his bushy mustache is making it impossible to see his lips at all.
‘Wait,’ I sign. I start to touch my ear when he grabs me by the wrist. I feel myself make a noise of outrage as he yanks me back into the T-shirt tent.
“Stop!” I try with my voice. Maybe if he hears my Deaf accent, he’ll get it.
But he doesn’t. He’s shouting over his shoulder now, and when I try to tug away, he holds me harder.
Chaos churns inside my chest, tightening and tightening until I can sense the first tremor of a panic attack unfurling. I don’t know what set this man off, don’t know why he’s gripping me so tightly, and I have no way to get any answers.
This hasn’t happened to me in so long. Years, in fact. I take a fortifying breath and use the strength I’ve been building at the gym to break free of him.
He lunges for me, but I back up and smack into someone behind me. As I turn, I see a very tall, very broad man wearing a white T-shirt with black words printed on the front: SECURITY.
The man says something I can only assume is “What’s going on here?”
I hold up my hand. In my periphery, I can see the vendor shouting and pointing at me, but using my Deaf privilege, I ignore him and wait for the security guard to look at me again.
When he does, I touch my ear and drag my finger to my lips and mouth, ‘Deaf. Me.’
The security guard blinks, then sighs and says something to the man. When I turn to look at him, he’s glowering at me, his mouth moving way too fast for me to even hope to understand what he’s saying.
It’s obvious the security guard doesn’t sign because he looks both frustrated and confused.
