‘I’m so sorry, man. He must have been a fucking idiot. You’re a great guy. Fuck him, because look at you now. In a fantastic job, with one of the best teams in the world. And, well, you get to work with me every day.’
I nudge him with my elbow, drawing a smile out of him.
‘Well, when you put it like that.’ He’s smiling, though, so that’s something. ‘I’m just over it. I don’t feel like going through that hurt again. But my parents, they love love. All three of my older brothers are married with kids. My parents have been married just over fifty years. They think I need the same thing to be happy.’
‘But you don’t?’
I would have agreed with him until I watched Harper fall madly in love and how it’s only made his life better. I gave it a try and got fucked over, so either I was doing it wrong or I’m not one of the lucky ones. Or maybe I just don’t deserve it. I flinch inwardly.
‘I love my job, I love this sport, I love the travel, and I love working on my PhD. It’s enough.’
‘It’s a lot, for sure,’ I say dumbly. But is it enough?
I’m too hungover to be getting this deep thirty-thousand feet in the air.
He shrugs again, offering me a half-smile, which tells me that maybe he’s only half happy. Half happy is more than I am right now, but maybe once I get another win under my belt I’ll feel more like the old Johannes.
‘Try telling that to my mom. She would love for me to come home and live on their street with my husband and our kids. Don’t get me wrong, she supports me following my dreams, but I know she’d love to have all four of her boys close by.’
‘The same street? That’s… close.’
He shoots me a glare. ‘Two of my brothers live on the street and my other brother lives two blocks over. The only house close enough for her would be next door.’
‘Wow, that is… a lot.’
‘I love them, though. They’ve always been such good parents, so I can’t complain.’
The captain announces that we’re beginning our descent and asks everyone to prepare for landing, so I return my seat to its normal position.
‘What’s your plan for whilst you’re in the UK? Do you have somewhere to stay?’
‘I don’t have a permanent place. Even though we’re in the UK more than anywhere, it’s too much hassle to manage it while we’re away, so I normally get like a short-term lease or an Airbnb, but I haven’t this time, so it’s the hotel for me with some of the other guys.’
It’s on the tip of my tongue to invite him to stay in my London apartment. It’s where, once upon a time, Harper and I lived together. But would that be weird? I’ve had Nils stay with me before when he first joined the team, but most people do their own thing. We’re on top of each other for most of the year, so people appreciate having their own space whenever possible.
Except, it does get kind of crappy spending so many nights a year in a hotel room, doesn’t it?
Before I can stop myself, the words are flying out of my mouth. ‘You can stay with me.’
The plane touches down with a solid thunk and we are pushed backwards in our seats as the brakes engage. Caleb stares wordlessly at me like I’ve just dropped from outer space.
‘If you want…’ I add, trailing off uncertainly.
ChapterTen
Caleb
You can stay with me.The words hang between us.
Neither of us says anything while the plane comes to a halt and everyone around us comes back to life, including a very disorientated Nils.
‘We on the ground?’ he asks, and all I can do is nod as Johannes gets up and swings his bag onto his back. ‘Cool.’ Nils doesn’t make any effort to move, just stares bleary-eyed at the goings-on around him, waiting for everyone else to deplane before he does.
The bulk of people start to file out, but both Johannes and I seem to be lingering. Him, probably because he’s waiting for an answer, and me, because I don’t know what to say. It’s a nice offer and all, but I’m not an idiot; we both felt that slight crackle between us last night. It hit me like a big red warning sign as I stood on the doorstep of the apartment I was sharing with Ian and a bunch of the other mechanics.
That was after just one night of being out with him– in a group. A few hours in normal civilisation. He’s talking about seven days. Six whole nights. That’s a long time to have to sit with this charged energy between us and do nothing about it. Maybe he didn’t feel it. Or maybe, because he’s Johannes Müller and can have any man in the world, he gets this all the time so barely clocked it.
Maybe.
