Ethan’s smile faltered for the briefest second. He didn’t push, but something in his expression shifted. A flicker of recognition that something had changed since the last time he’d touched her. She hadn’t leaned into his kiss. She hadn’t asked about his place or joked about the mix of décor. It was like someone had dimmed the light in her.
“Sure,” he said finally, turning back toward the stove. “Let me just set this down, and I’ll grab him. Maybe you’ll be hungry after you see he’s safe and sound.”
He turned the knob on the stovetop down to simmer and disappeared to the second floor. She heard them before she saw them, the faint thump of feet on carpet, the low rumble of a purr.
Then Ethan appeared at the top of the stairs, Max perched on his shoulder like a parrot. Catsby trotted behind them, at Ethan’s heels.
“See? Told you he’s fine.” Ethan had one of those eye-wrinkling grins on his face again.
Her throat tightened. Max’s tail flicked lazily, his body relaxed, content. He didn’t even meow when he saw her. He just blinked, slow and trusting, before rubbing his cheek againstEthan’s jaw. Catsby circled his legs, wrapping her orange tail along his jeans.
She remembered Ethan’s shoulder tattoo and his story about Remy, hissoulcat. That’s when she knew she’d lost him. Not only literally but figuratively. If Max had wanted to return to her house by the lake, he would’ve shown up there. He knew where it was. But he didn’t. Instead, he hiked the few miles over hills and through fields in the dark back to the center of town. He’d searched for Ethan after he’d gone missing, not her. And Ethan was the one who found him. Fair and square. Max had chosen Ethan. And maybe, given her lapse in judgment, Max was better off with him, too.
The thoughts kept hitting her like punches as Ethan passed Max into her hands. She squeaked out a pained “Thank you,” but couldn’t even look him in the eyes when she said it. She smiled weakly.
Cali’s arms felt too tight around him, like she might crush him or drop him if she kept holding on. Her chest ached with every purr. The harder she tried to swallow it down, the more it clawed its way up her throat.
“Cali,” Ethan whispered with concern, “what’s wrong?”
She felt her mouth, so dry, forming the words before her brain could even register them “You should keep Max.” She passed the cat back into Ethan’s hands swiftly and stepped back.
“What?” he said, his face in shock.
“For his sake,” she added. “They could keep each other company.” She gestured awkwardly at Catsby, who was also staring up at her, mouth agape. “Like you’d wanted for her. You know? A sister or brother? That’s what you’d said. And—and he’ll be safer here. Maybe he won’t try to escape again. Oh! And your schedule’s more flexible. You took him to the vet when I couldn’t.”
The more she talked, the more Ethan looked unconvinced and confused. “But you love him. I can see it in everything you’ve said or done since we met. Nothing else is more important to you than Max.”
Max was meowing now, and squirming, begging to be let down. Ethan gently placed him on the floor, and he and Catsby scurried back up the stairs.
“I can live without him,” Cali lied. “I’ve lived without a cat before.” Her tone grew cold, insistent. She turned toward the door and started marching.
“Wait,” Ethan said, and she stopped in her tracks and turned back toward him. A sudden realization crossed his face, and his mouth turned down at the corners. “You’re not just letting him go, are you? You’re lettingthisgo, too.” He gestured between them.
Cali knew exactly what he meant when he saidthis. She felt vulnerable, exposed, like an open wound bleeding out onto his carpet. She had to stop the bleeding.
“Look, Ethan. You’re not staying,” she suddenly blurted out. “You’ll finish this project and be gone, and I can’t just …” She inhaled, realizing she may have said too much. “… I just can’t dothisright now. Okay?” She mocked his gesture back to him. “Just let me rip off the band-aids—you and Max—all at once, so I can go lick my wounds.”
Ethan’s tone was hurt but steady. “So that’s it? I’m just some temporary distraction with a toolbox?”
Cali felt flustered. “I didn’t mean that—I just —”
Ethan interrupted her. “Yeah. You meant it. But tell me, Cali, where domyfeelings,mywants fit into this story you’ve sold yourself?” He sighed, exasperated, trying to grasp for calm again. “You have no idea how much I want to stay.”
He said it like he meant it, but Cali doubled down. “Wanting and doing are two different things, Ethan.” She started for the door and grasped the knob with a trembling hand.
“Cali!” he called after her. She turned back and saw the cats again, watching hesitantly at the top of the stairs. Ethan closed his eyes, exhaling long and slow, then lifted his hands in a small gesture of surrender. “I’m trying here.”
She nodded stiffly, stepped into the cool air, and shut the door before she could change her mind.
Chapter 16
Thursday’s book club duties hung over Cali’s head through the night and all the next day. If she hadn’t been the sole person able to keep the library open late for The Nine, she would’ve canceled and stayed at home with a warm mug of cider instead.
It didn’t help that the romance rumor mill was churning through Autumn Ridge. Casual remarks from neighbors and patrons alike started funneling into her ears, about catching her and Ethan at the fall festival together or noticing a truck in her driveway overnight or even that her car was parked at his townhome. All leading up to the inevitable prying question and two-cent opinion.
“So are you and that guy, like, a thing now?”
“Ooh, good for you,” followed by a wink.
