Style. Sophistication. Spontaneity.
Extra points if she didn’t know your name till morning. Double if she was someone's ex.
And of course, a little side bet Idefinitelyregretted making—“Coop and Laura: Over/Under three weeks before she cries?”
I didn’t remember saying it. But there it was. In my voice. With my face. On the internet. Forever.
I sat there, staring at the screen, nausea crawling up the back of my throat. I had never wanted to disappear more in my life.
The worst part? IlikedLaura. Igenuinelyliked her. She was cool and funny and had a thing for old horror movies. And yeah, we hooked up. A few times. But I never wanted to hurt her. Not like this. Not like a punchline in a viral clip with a sweaty Bubba yelling “point five for clumsy bra removal!”
It wasn’t just a bad look. It was acharacter assassination. And I was the one who wrote the damn script.
Another message pinged in.
Archie:
Just stay quiet. Don’t engage. Let it settle.
Archie:
You’ll make it worse if you get defensive.
Of all of us, Archie was the only one not completely losing it. Jake had already threatened to fight Sharon in three different parking lots, Bubba was too hungover to form a full sentence, and I was sitting on my bed trying to remember how toexistlike a normal person.
Bubba:
She’s evil
Bubba:
I mean objectively
Bubba:
FFS did you see the thing with the towel??
Bubba:
I had seen the towel thing.
And the ice cube thing.
And the time-lapse of Jake doing shots off that girl’s stomach that looked like it was filmed on a GoPro strapped to someone’s thigh.
There was no erasing it. No spinning it. No “boys will be boys” bullshit that could put this genie back in the bottle.
And Laura’s dad? Apparentlyhesaw it too.
Because right after I crawled out of bed and made the mistake of wandering into the kitchen,Momwas waiting. Phone in hand. Coffee untouched. A look on her face that made my spine want to evacuate my body.
“Sit,” she said.
I sat.
“I just got off the phone with Howard Christensen,” she said coolly.
Of coursehis name was Howard. He always wore polos and looked like he judged people’s recycling bins.
