“What?”
“Why do you sound weird?”
“No. I mean. I don’t. I’m not,” I say. “Are you busy right now? You sound busy. I’ll call back later.”
“What is wrong with you? You don’t ask people if they’re busy, and I don’t answer the phone if I’m too busy to answer the phone.”
“Yep. Exactly. I want to tell you something.”
“Okay…” he says.
“I am going to take your sister out. On a date.”
“Olivia?”
“Do you have another sister I can date?”
“You’re taking Olivia out on a date? Withyou?”
“Correct.”
“Doessheknow this?” he asks.
“She does.”
“Are you a masochist?”
“I don’t think so. That is why I’m telling you before proceeding. It seemed like the ethical course of action.”
“Uh-huh. I meant because Olivia will eat you alive. But I like that you’re scared of me.I am altering the deal,”he says in his Darth Vader voice. “Pray I don’t alter it any further.”
“Okay, well. I’m not making a deal, and I’m not asking for permission. I’m on my way to pick her up right now. But I wanted to explain my reasoning.”
“Your reasoning?”
“Yes. As you can imagine, I’ve given this considerable thought,” I say.
“I donotwant to know anything about your thoughts about my sister.”
“From a compatibility standpoint, I mean. Olivia and I share several key variables.”
“Variables,” he says. “Right.”
“We have a shared history. Strong work ethic. Objectively, we now share a similar level of physical attractiveness. Dedication to achieving goals. Mutual compassion for three significant people in our lives—you and your parents. The probability of long-term compatibility is statistically significant.”
Silence.
I glance up and see Richard in the rearview mirror. He appears to be cringing.
But I continue. Fearlessly. “And it must be said that I find her, from a biological standpoint, attractive in a way that is so undeniable that?—”
“Do not finish that sentence.”
“I’ll have you know that I avoided her as much as possible and I avoidedthe issuefor years, but if you think about it, the chemistry between us has always been clear.”
“I will not think about it, and you will never, ever discuss my sister from a biological perspective again,” he says emphatically.
“Right. No more statistics. No biology. No chemistry… Olivia is…an event horizon.”
