“No one would believe that,” he says.
“That I could stand dating you for months? Agreed.”
“No, that you’d keep it a secret. I propose we stick as close to the truth as possible. Minus the transactional element.”
“Right. I’ll just tell people you’ve kidnapped me… Hold up. What’s this?” I point to a section of the contract. “It says here you want me to ‘forego interactions with any and all current and/or past boyfriends and/or sexual partners throughout the month-long period of this contract’?”
“As will I. Is that a problem?”
“No. I mean, Julian’s not in town anyway.” He’s never been my boyfriend, but he’s the most consistent male companion I’ve had, since my sexual partners have, for one reason or another, never interested me enough to merit more than a few encounters. Julian is a choreographer who’s based in New York, and we’ve been seeing each other off and on since I lived in Pittsburgh. The sex is always hot and fast, and now that I think about it, he’s never taken me on an actual date. But he’s brilliant and wildly talented. So that counts for a lot. At least, that’s what I tell myself.
“You’re still seeing that guy?” John asks.
“When we’re in the same city. You know about Julian?”
“No. Sort of. Due diligence,” he says. “I will remind you that we’ll be in Manhattan for a few days.”
“Oh. Right. Well…it’s a big city. I doubt we’ll cross paths.”
“You actually enjoy crossing paths with that guy? Really?”
“Well…I mean, he’s a genius choreographer,” I say.
“Let’s not use the word ‘genius’ so freely. If he’s such a good choreographer, then why hasn’t he cast you in anything?”
“I’m under contract with the company here.”
“Not at the moment. You’re on hiatus,” John says. “Does he work on shows during the summer?”
“I mean…yeah. In New York. It’s not just his decision—there are also the producers and the artistic directors,” I say. “Why are we even talking about him? And I don’t just date him so he’ll cast me. I had a crush on him long before we met.”
“Really?” John appears to be genuinely grossed out by that information.
“Excuse me. I’m sure your taste in women is impeccable.”
He grins as he slowly looks me up and down. “I think it is.”
I shake my head, though my nether region is tight and damp. “You do realize my brother would have punched you in the throat by now if he were here.”
“I think that would have been true up until a while ago, but not now.”
“Oh, really? Does he know about this proposition?”
“He does not, and he will not know of the agreement, no. I absolutely intend to get his blessing in the most effective and efficient manner possible. But hedidsuggest that I get in touch with you.”
“I’m pretty sure this is not what he had in mind.”
“He trusts me. I thinkyou’rethe one he doesn’t trust.”
John may be right about that. After reading through the entire document, I say, “There’s nothing in here about sex.”
“Correct. Due to the nature of my schedule and work commitments, I can’t commit to a particular number of times that I’ll be free to have sex with you.”
Oh, for crying out loud.“I meant that I want it in writing that I’m not required to have sex with you.”
He looks genuinely confused by this statement.
“Let me clarify, in language that you might comprehend: Due to the potentially intimate nature of this arrangement, I would prefer to include a term in this agreement that protects mefrom being required to have sex with you simply because you’re paying me to pretend to be your girlfriend.” Oh my God, I’m going to have to say it out loud. “So I don’t feel like a prostitute.”
