1
ELIJAH
ELIJAH ABRAMS SCRIPT NOTES FOR
UNTITLED CHRISTMAS PROJECT
BY THE SHARK BROTHERS
—PERSONAL—DO NOT SHARE
—DECEMBER 19
This is the worst fucking script I have ever read.
It will take a fucking Christmas miracle to get this piece of shit movie made.
I need to get this movie made.
Fa la la la la la la fuck my life.
2
CLEO
FROM:[email protected]
Dec 19, 2025, 10:12 AM
SUBJECT:So nice not seeing you anywhere ever!
Well. So far, so good. I’ve been in LA for an entire month now, and I haven’t run into you.
I’m glad.
I mean, I’m sad foryou, because I am objectively awesome and anyone would be lucky to run into me. I’m a fucking delight! That probably reads as sarcasm to you, because you’re a sarcastic asshole. A sarcasthole, if you will. Or at least you used to be a sarcasthole. I wouldn’t know what kind of personality you’re rocking now. But I am still an actual genuine fucking delight.
I just realized what today is. I mean, I woke up knowing that today is today, as I do every single day of my amazing life. On top of being a fucking delight I am really well organized.
But I had forgotten what Los Angeles is like in the winter. I went to a holiday party at the beach in Santa Monica lastweekend. On the beach! In the middle of December! This time last year I was in New York and I had tiny icicles on my eyelashes because I teared up watching that movie you hate through a store window. That’s what people with beating hearts do when they watch that movie, Dummy. They cry.
