I’ll do everything I can for our child, Oskar. If there’s a way for us to stay together, there’s nothing I won’t do to make that happen.
I promise.
24
Amalie had spent all night lying awake, thinking about what Hope had said to her, trying to work out what she could do to find another way that didn’t involve giving up her baby. And now she was sitting in her nightgown, her hair wild and long around her shoulders, pen in hand as she tried to compose what could be the most important letter she might ever write.
Just write what’s in your heart. Beg if you have to.
She exhaled and pressed the pen to the paper, trying to believe that once she started, the right words would come. The more she tried to straighten them out in her head, the more jumbled they became, and so Amalie decided to trust her instincts.
Dear Mrs Johansen,
It was with great sadness that I learnt of the passing of your son, Oskar, on his way to London. Please, if you are thinking of throwing this letter in the fire, I implore you to keep reading.
I understand that I was never the woman you imagined your son marrying, but I want you to know that I fell in love with Oskar the very first day we met. He caught my eye onesummer’s night, and he saw past my shyness and showed me what it was to fall in love. Your son was full of dreams, full of happiness and light, and the world has lost a beautiful man who would have made a wonderful husband to me, and father to our unborn child.
We discovered I was pregnant at the end of summer, which is why we came to see you that day in Oslo. We were to be married as soon as he arrived in London, a small ceremony, in the hope that by the time we eventually came home to Norway, you would accept not only our union, but also your first grandchild.
So, I write to you, one mother to another, to beg for your mercy. I am due to give birth to your grandchild, to Oskar’s baby, next month, and it breaks my heart to think I will have to give the child up soon after the birth. Your son loved me as much as I loved him, and he was so looking forward to being a father, and I have no doubt he would have been a great one.
I will write the address below where you can reach me. I’ll be here until two weeks after I give birth, so it will be for at least another two months, if not more. Although I cannot imagine handing my baby over to strangers, I must either choose adoption or poverty if I am to make this decision alone.
If your son had survived, this would have been the happiest time of my life, but instead, the grief of losing my child is matched only by the grief I suffered, am still suffering, over my beloved Oskar’s death.
I thank you for taking the time to read my letter.
Yours faithfully, Amalie
She finished the letter and folded it, sliding it inside an envelope and writing the address on the front. Amalie was just brushing away her tears when there was a soft knock at the door.
‘Amalie?’
‘Come in,’ she replied.
Hope had shown her a kindness that she hadn’t expected, and when she came in to sit beside her, her arm went around Amalie’s shoulders, giving her a small squeeze. ‘You wrote the letter?’
‘I wrote the letter,’ she whispered back. ‘I don’t know if I’ve said the right thing or whether she will even answer, but at least I’ve tried.’
‘Grief can change people. I’ve seen it first hand, so if your Oskar’s mother is struggling with his passing, it might make her more inclined to help.’
Amalie sniffed and wiped her eyes. ‘Or it could make her hate me all the more.’
Hope sighed and squeezed her again. ‘It could. But you won’t know until you send that letter and wait for a reply. Would you like me to post it today for you?’
Amalie nodded. ‘Please. And if there’s anything I can do to repay you, for what you’ve already done for me?—’
‘There is nothing,’ Hope said firmly. ‘I do this because I want to, because life has taught me that women aren’t treated with the kindness and love they deserve when faced with the most difficult decision of their lives. So don’t you spend a moment trying to think of how to repay me.’
‘What will I do if she doesn’t reply? If they don’t offer to help me?’ Amalie asked.If I’m truly all alone?
‘You have time,’ Hope said. ‘This baby won’t be here for another month at least, and we can work out a plan together. Maybe that plan is adoption, finding a lovely family who’re desperate for a child of their own, or maybe it’s you keeping the baby somehow. But whatever happens, it will be your decision, Amalie. No one else can make this decision for you.’
‘We were supposed to have this beautiful life together,’ Amalie said. ‘It was supposed to be a new beginning in London.’
‘I know,’ Hope said, holding her close as she began to cry. ‘Unfortunately, life doesn’t always work out the way we hoped it would.’
Hope rocked her in her arms until her crying finally stopped, and Amalie had the most overwhelming need to see her mother, to be soothed in her own home, in her own bed, as if she were a girl again. But her father didn’t want to know about a pregnant unmarried daughter, and although she’d also received a brief note from her mother that was much kinder, she’d told her there was nothing she could do, other than send her a little money she’d been saving.
