‘I actually have a lady friend, and she’s helped me choose some new things. I never did have much of a flair for interiors.’
Charlotte wasn’t surprised he’d met someone, or that she didn’t know. ‘Well, I’m happy you’ve met someone. Life’s too short to be alone.’ She regretted her choice of words the moment they came out of her mouth. ‘I’m sorry, that came out wrong, I meant?—’
‘Your mother left a long time ago, Charlotte. You have nothing to apologise for.’
But that was the problem. She always felt as if she did have something to apologise for. For her mother leaving, for not studying medicine, for leaving Norway, for choosing to return for her mother’s funeral. Somehow, it always ended up being her fault, or at least it felt that way.
‘You know, I wanted to see you because it’s been too long,’ she said. ‘I couldn’t stop thinking that if I didn’t see you now…’
‘That I might die, and you’d have missed your chance?’ her father asked with a laugh.
She sighed, although she did appreciate that he could find the humour in it. From the moment she’d walked in the door, she’d noticed how much older her father seemed. ‘If I’m honest, yes, but also there’s so much unsaid between us. I suppose my hope is that we don’t go another ten years without seeing each other after this.’
He held up his glass of wine, leaning forwards to clink it gently against hers. ‘Now that’s something to drink to. How about we agree to start afresh? For all the things I should havesaid or said in error, I wholeheartedly apologise. I love you, Lotte, and I’m just grateful to see you again.’
Charlotte nodded and clinked her glass back, taking another sip, pleased that she’d brought such a nice bottle with her.
‘May I ask you something, though?’ she said, hoping she wouldn’t regret it. ‘Because if I don’t, I feel like it will always be unresolved between us.’
‘Of course.’
‘Why could you not accept my decision to become a chef? Was it truly such a terrible choice of career?’ she asked. ‘Your reaction felt akin to me announcing I wanted to become an adult entertainer or a circus performer.’
‘Charlotte, if I’m honest, it had nothing to do with you wanting to be a chef.’
She sat back and listened. It was a question she’d wanted to ask him for so long, one she’d turned over and over in her mind, and she wanted to hear him out. To truly listen to him rather than bristle at whatever came out of his mouth next.
‘When your mother left, I suppose it felt as if the only way of keeping you and your brother close was to take charge of everything that happened after that point. I thought that if you both just followed the path I’d set for you, if I could just have you do what I planned, that I would have some semblance of control over our lives, to stop anything else painful from happening to our family. That I wouldn’t lose you, too.’
His words washed over her, and she closed her eyes for a beat as they sank in. ‘It truly had nothing to do with me being a chef? It wouldn’t have mattered if I wanted to be a lawyer or an architect?’
‘I’m embarrassed to admit it, but it’s true,’ he said. ‘I’ve spent years questioning myself, wishing I’d handled things differently, but you were a young woman determined to forge your own way in the world, and that scared me.’ Her father shook his head,sadness bracketing his face. ‘My greatest fear was losing you, and yet look what I managed to do.’
‘Why didn’t you reach out? Why has it taken me coming home for you to tell me all this?’ she asked, trying to stay calm even as her temper flared. ‘We’ve missed out on years, Dad. All this time we could have had a relationship, and even when I came home for Mum’s funeral…’
The silence stretched between them. ‘I couldn’t understand why you came,’ he said. ‘After what she did to us, the way she broke up our family, the pain she caused, the way she left us. I couldn’t come to terms with how you forgave her.’
‘Dad, you should have just asked me, because Ineverforgave her. I hated her for what she did to us, but she was still my mother. Who would I have been if I didn’t come back? If I didn’t attend her funeral? I was worried I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t, and I didn’t want to take that chance.’
Her father stood then, and she pretended she didn’t notice the way his voice had choked up or the tears she’d seen shining in his eyes. ‘I think we might need the rest of the bottle,’ he said, gruffly. ‘For a man not used to talking about his emotions, this is turning into quite the evening.’
Charlotte laughed despite it all, and then so did he, and when he returned with the bottle she stood and gave him a hug. It was awkward and more of a pat on the back, neither of them really knowing what to do, but it still felt like a step in the right direction. She decided not to confront her dad about the years after her mother had left, about how she still felt as if she’d lost the father she’d loved then, too; that conversation could wait for another day. Bringing it up now wasn’t going to change anything, but trying to enjoy his company might change everything.
‘Should we catch up on the last few years?’ her father asked her. ‘I hear a little from your grandmother about where you are and what you’re doing, but it’d be nice to hear it from you.’
Charlotte settled into her chair, her eye landing on a photo of her with her brother from their teenage years, his arm protectively around her.He would love seeing me here, knowing that I’d finally come back to the house.
She turned to her dad, and this time, her smile came easily. ‘Where should I start?’
The next afternoon, as Charlotte waited in the lobby of the hotel for Harrison, she felt lighter somehow, and she knew that her reconciliation with her father was the reason. There were parts of their evening that had felt uncomfortable, but there were also parts that had felt more than nice, so she was chalking it up as a win. And her grandmother’s face when she’d told her the news over coffee that morning had made it all worth it.
‘There she is.’
Harrison’s voice made her turn, and the moment she saw him walking towards her, she realised how much she’d been looking forward to seeing him. He was dressed in what appeared to be a similar outfit to the other day—perhaps his uniform—of dark jeans, a black T-shirt this time and slightly scuffed boots, but this time he also had a coat over his shoulders.
‘Where are you taking me?’ he asked.
Charlotte stepped forwards and kissed his cheek, inhaling the faint citrus scent of his cologne.
