Evelina nodded, swallowing away the lump of emotion in her throat. ‘I can trust you?’ she asked.
Hope squeezed her hand. ‘You can. I’m dedicating my life to mothers and babies, and it would be a privilege for you to be my first guest.’
‘When do I have to decide? Whether I want to stay or not, and whether I want to…’
‘Put your baby up for adoption?’ Hope asked gently.
Evelina couldn’t hold back her tears then. They flowed down her cheeks as a sob erupted from deep inside of her.
‘Shhh,’ Hope said, moving her chair to sit beside her and holding her in her arms, her hand rubbing soothing circles on her back. ‘You don’t have to decide anything until you’re ready. I’ll make one of the beds up for you, just in case, so that you know you have a place here to return to.’
‘Why?’ Evelina murmured through her tears. ‘Why are you being so kind to me?’
There was a long silence as Hope continued to hold her, before she spoke, her voice lower than it had been before. ‘Because I’ve been in a similar situation to you, and the way I was treated…’
Evelina’s body shuddered as she fought to get her emotions under control.
‘I have my own personal reasons for doing what I’m doing,’ Hope said, her voice stronger, more resolute than it had been before. ‘But unlike many others helping women in need, I understand what it’s like to be treated as if I’m somehow worthless because of circumstances outside of my control.’
Evelina sat up and cleared her throat, her eyes meeting Hope’s, as something unspoken passed between them. Hope didn’t need to say anything more for Evelina to trust her.
‘If it’s not an inconvenience, I’d very much like to return with my things this evening,’ Evelina said.
Hope’s smile warmed her in a way that she hadn’t experienced since she’d last been with her sisters, tucked up together in bed to stave off the cold in the middle of winter, whispering stories to them well into the night to try to get them to fall asleep.
‘I’d very much like that, Evelina,’ Hope said. ‘How about we finish our coffee and I show you around the house? Then you can organise your affairs and we can make up your room together.’
Evelina had a feeling that for the first time in many years, she was placing her trust in the right person. She’d spent years trusting men and being left heartbroken, but something about the way Hope had spoken before told her that she’d made mistakes, too, and that she had no intention of any woman in her care being let down like she had, not if she could help it.
‘Now, tell me all about where you’re from, Evelina,’ Hope said, settling back into her chair and reaching for her coffee again. ‘I’d forgotten just how much I missed France until you walked through my door.’
For the first time in years, Evelina relaxed into her chair, smiled and remembered home. She might have disagreed with her father and been disappointed in her mother’s actions, but she had such fond memories of her sisters and being with them. But talking about them kept them alive in her mind, even if it did break her heart that they’d never chosen to join her in Paris.
A week later, and Evelina felt as if she’d been with Hope for months. They’d settled into a comfortable routine, and Evelina was finally able to enjoy her pregnancy. She alternated between smiling and crying every time she felt a kick, her hand always reaching to touch her stomach, imagining what her baby would look like when she was born. She was convinced it was a girl, and dreamed of holding her in her arms and staring into her eyes, naming her and kissing her downy little head. But every time she did, her smiles would turn to sorrow, and she’d be reminded of just how hard it would be to keep her. Today, they were sitting inthe garden, enjoying a moment of sunshine, when Hope turned to Evelina.
‘Have you had any more thoughts about what you’re going to do?’ Hope asked.
Evelina looked up at the sky, wishing it wasn’t a conversation they needed to have, but knowing that Hope only had her best interests at heart. ‘I know what I should do, but it doesn’t mean it’s what I want to do.’
‘I was thinking that you could leave something behind for her, if that’s what you decide,’ Hope said. She’d taken to referring to the baby as a girl, too, and Evelina liked how familiar Hope was with her, as if they were family. ‘I’ve had some little boxes made, just big enough for a few mementos to be tucked away for safekeeping.’
She immediately thought about what she could leave behind. ‘Would you give it to her, if she were adopted?’
‘I was thinking it would go with her, to her new family, so they could share it with her one day when she was older,’ Hope said. ‘Perhaps one or two things that mean something to you.’
Evelina stared down at her stomach, stretched so wide now that even the maternity-sized dress she was wearing was almost too tight for her. What would she leave? Something to give her child a glimpse of who her mother was, or something that could one day lead her to find her?
‘Is that something you’d want to do?’ Hope asked.
‘Yes,’ Evelina replied. ‘I just can’t think what I’d put in there for her.’
‘Well, you still have plenty of time to decide. If I were you, I’d just leave a little memento she can cherish, but don’t feel you have to. It’s just something for you to think about.’
Evelina watched as Hope rose and went over to one of the drawers in the kitchen. Hope opened one and then returned with a small wooden box in her hand.
‘This is what I had made,’ she said. ‘I couldn’t stop thinking about how hard it is, the decision to part with a child, but perhaps if every mother has the choice of leaving a little something behind, it might provide a connection? It might even make saying goodbye that much easier.’
‘May I?’ Evelina asked, curious about Hope’s suggestion.
