She nodded even as her skin felt as though he’d lit a match to it. He didn’t need to say any more—he held all the cards, and they both knew it. The apartment was his, he was the exclusive stockist of her clothes, and he was the father of her unborn child.A child he’d just made clear would be a bastard if she went through with the pregnancy.
Antoine had the power to take everything from her. Antoine had the power to send her back to Provins, penniless and pregnant. Antoine was her lifeline, whether she wanted him to be or not.
And even though she knew she should have told him what he wanted to hear, even while she knew what he could do to her if she disobeyed him, she said what was in her heart, hoping that she could reach him.
‘Antoine, I love you,’ she whispered, smiling through her tears and clinging to his hands. ‘The time we’ve spent together, being with you? They’ve been the happiest moments of my life. I’ve never loved anyone like I’ve loved you.’
He stared at her, as if he knew what was coming, knew what she was going to say.
‘But I can’t change the fact that there is a child growing inside of me. A baby conceived in love!’ She kept hold of his hands when he tried to pull away. ‘Ourbaby, Antoine. A life we made together.’
‘Please, Evelina, don’t make this more difficult than it has to be. I hate that I’m even asking you to do this, but you’re forcing my hand.’
‘Antoine,’ she begged, wishing she knew what to say, wishing she knew how to change his mind. She couldn’t believe that he truly wanted her to do such a thing. Not only would it break her heart, but she also knew what dangers were associated with such a procedure.
But his earlier vulnerability had disappeared, replaced with a hardness that she knew would be impenetrable if she didn’t agree to give him a way out. It seemed that the men in her life were all equally unwilling to yield when it came to her doing what she was told.
‘Evelina, do you know what you are to me?’
She swallowed. She’dthoughtshe did, but seeing his face now, the way he was staring at her, told her that she had no idea at all. ‘All I know,’ she said, lowering her voice, knowing how carefully she had to tread, ‘is that the time I’ve spent with you has been the happiest of my life. I can’t imagine my life without you, Antoine. I love you.’
‘Then let’s not ruin what we have. Can’t we find a way to move past this? I can make all the necessary arrangements for you.’
She took a deep breath, forced herself to lift her head and look into his eyes when he curled his fingers beneath her chin. His kiss was gentle, his lips moving softly against hers to begin with but then with more urgency, almost as if he was afraid it might be the last time.
Evelina numbly let him take her hand and lead her to the bedroom, her body trembling as he stood her at the end of the bed and turned her around, unzipping her dress and letting it fall into a pool at her feet. She wanted him just as she always had, but this time felt different.
When she turned back to face him, she wondered if he truly loved her in the same way she did him, but still, she didn’t pull away.
Evelina shut her eyes as tears formed, not wanting him to see how sad she was.
Because as much as she loved him, as much as she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, she knew in her heart that this was the last time he’d make love to her. Because the next time he came to see her?
She’d be gone.
22
ONE WEEK LATER
Evelina knew who the crisp white envelope was from as soon as she saw the handwriting. It had been slid beneath the front door while she was in the shower, and now, with her hair wet and wrapped in a robe, she bent to collect it and walked back to the table. Her hands trembled as she sat down to open it, her fingers lingering on the capital letter E.
It’s from Antoine.
She would have known his impeccably neat penmanship anywhere, and she ran her fingernail beneath the seal to open it, taking the letter out, her heart racing as she did so.
Evelina,
I know I do not deserve you, my darling, but I pray that you will change your mind. You have my heart, you always will, and I hope that nothing will keep us apart. To imagine a life without you, to even consider that what we’ve shared could be over, it’s not something that I can comprehend. You are everything to me, and I cannot face another day or week without you in my arms.
With all my love,
Antoine
Evelina reread the letter, imagining him as he wrote it, wondering whether he’d shed a tear as he signed his name or if he’d hand-delivered it himself. She brushed away her own tears as she looked up and then cast her eyes around the apartment, accepting the decision she’d made even as his letter tugged at her heartstrings. It had made it all so much harder. She’d already decided to leave—her suite at the Ritz was ready and waiting for her—and although it was costing her a small fortune, she knew it was the only decision she could have made.
By moving there, she would not only have a place of residence, but she’d also be able to show her new designs to prospective buyers. Because if she couldn’t change Antoine’s mind about the baby, then she no longer wanted to work with him, either. It would be impossible, for both of them. And if, after two months, she hadn’t found a buyer for her new designs, she would have nothing left—all of her savings would be gone. But she was confident enough in her work to believe that wouldn’t happen.
Evelina took the letter and walked to the window, gazing out at the glittering skyline, wishing that things could have been different. But it was time to leave. Just as she’d walked away from her childhood home and then from her marriage, it was time to walk away from this apartment and the life she’d shared with Antoine. She stared down at the letter one last time, before folding it in half and then in half again, and slipping it into the pocket of her robe.
