My expression doesn’t change, not even when Paxton places a hand on his twin’s shoulder and shoves him down to the couch. It’s rare that Pax steps in to quell his brother’s ire, so whatever he sees on my face must give at least some of my thoughts away. He follows his twin and nods encouragingly, offering a small smile.
Mack takes a seat on the arm of my chair and crosses his arms, somehow instinctively knowing I need the support but can’t handle another alpha touching me right now. “Do you remember when I showed up to school with a black eye my senior year of high school?” Mack was a sophomore and the twins were only freshmen, but we were already friends because we lived on the same block growing up. I was always a careful kid, and even more so as a teenager, so showing up with such a large bruise garnered a lot of attention.
All three of them look confused, but it’s Parker that nods. “Said you got clocked with a rogue ball during gym class the day before.”
My chest rises with a deep breath and I hold it for a count of three before letting it out slowly. “My dad threw a mug at the wall and missed.”
Mack goes rigid next to me while the twins just stare in shock. My father was one of the gentlest souls before his diagnosis, and they know that, so I’m sure hearing this is a shock to them. I shake my head, sadness turning my normally sweet kettle corn scent to ash. “Dad was diagnosed with Alpha Rabidity the same summer he and mom split. He got into treatment right away, but after a while… it stopped working. By that point he had had the disease for so long that once the treatment stopped working, it progressed extremely quickly. The day he went into a rage and threw that cup at the wall but accidentally hit me instead, he was horrified. The very next day, he checked himself into a live-in facility for alphas with his specific condition. I was already eighteen and there was no need to loop anyone in on the issue, so he just quietly left. I chose this school because I managed to get him in to a clinical trial that claims to slow down the progression of Alpha Rabidity and wanted to be nearby to support him. That’s where I go in the mornings. I walk to the facility, visit with Dad, and then run back here.”
I’m not sure my pack mates have ever been quiet for this long, but it must still only be less than a minute before the room explodes into a maelstrom of shouted questions and frustration.
“Why didn’t you tell us?”
“We would have helped!”
“Can we help now?”
“Is the trial working?”
The last one is a quiet question from Mack. I shrug in response, bringing my scarf up and taking a deep inhale when I notice my vision going hazy at his proximity. It helps, and my vision clears up immediately. I’m stunned, but don’t have time to dwell on it right now. “Yes and no? I think it’s slowing the progression. He has more lucid days than not lately. But when the fog slips in, he’s completely unrecognizable as the man who raised me.”
“Why are you telling us this now?” Parker’s tone is laced with suspicion, and I can’t say I blame him after my recent behavior.
This is the part I was really dreading. I don’t know what I’ll do if they ask me to leave. I thought about it, for Posey’s safety, but selfishly I couldn’t make myself leave my bestfriends. Leaveher. “I was diagnosed with AR almost four months ago.”
Understanding dawns on Paxton’s face, quickly followed by devastation. “That’s why you won’t get near Posey? Why you don’t want us bringing her around?”
I shouldn’t be surprised he got to the heart of the issue so quickly, but I am. Maybe because I haven’t been willing to admit it, even to myself. It’s never been about not wanting her. I’m just fucking petrified of hurting her. My nod is slow, but admitting it releases the weight that’s been sitting on my chest. I feel like I can breathe for the first time in weeks and my nose stings as tears prick my eyes. “I couldn’t live with myself if I slipped into a fog and hurt her. And unless we bonded right away, there’s a very real chance of that happening. It might be cliché, but I pushed her away to protect her.”
Parker snorts, drawing my attention. “Isn’t the cure for that literally contact with a compatible omega?”
My arms cross as I raise a brow at him. “And what if during that contact a fugue state takes over anyway? Can you honestly say you’d forgive me if I hurt that sweet little doll?”
His mouth snaps shut, shoulders sagging. The room is a repulsive combination of four distinctly distressed alpha scents that makes me want to gag. I bring the scarf to my nose again and breathe deeply, holding it as long as I can before I exhale. Parker’s gets even worse when he hangs his head and fiddles with his nose ring. That’s his nervous tell. Has been since he was eighteen and freshly pierced. “I—I don’t know.” He rubs his chest like he’s trying to dispel an ache, but his words don’t hurt me. I would hate myself enough for all of us if I hurt Posey.
I nod, glad to finally have gotten my point across.
“So you don’t be alone with her,” Mack says quietly. He’s been stock still next to me, but now he turns so we’re face to face. “Not yet. You need to grovel after the way you’ve treated her, but she still wants you, Jude. Her omegaknows you’re hers, and she was devastated thinking you didn’t want her. It’s fixable, but only if you pull your head out of your ass andtry.” He glances at the other two who nod resolutely. My chest tightens, something like hope sprouting for the first time since my diagnosis. My friend stands from his perch and places a hand on my shoulder. “And we’re going to help you.”
Wheel-y crazy about Posey
*McKenzie Madden added Posey Hale to the chat*
Parker
…Why
McKenzie
Why what?
Parker
Why did you put me in another group chat?
McKenzie
We needed one with our omega. Duh
