Had he been wrong to believe she’d felt more? You’re irrational if you want that from her, when you can promise her nothing but what you’ve just shared.
“I understand,” Alice said with a calm he was far from feeling. “You should rest. I’m sure that…” Her eyes moved from him to the bed, and she waved a hand about. Jamie saw her nerves for the first time then, and fickle bastard he was, it made him feel better.
He raised a brow. “That?”
“What we just did is not helping your injuries.” The words came out fast.
“I wanted to do what we just did, and I have been in a worse condition than I currently am, Alice.”
She’d been pulling on her nightdress, covering all that lovely flesh he’d just run his hands and mouth over, but stopped. Her eyes went to him again, and she looked sad at his words, but only said, “Sleep now.” He then watched her continue dressing. When she’d wrapped the shawl around her shoulders, she hesitated.
Jamie knew he should say something—anything to tell her what they’d just shared meant to him. Fear kept him silent.
“Good night,” Alice then whispered, and he watched her walk across the room and open the door. After a last look at him, she walked out, closing it softly behind her.
Jamie lay there in the silence as the sun began to filter silver light across London, wondering what he should do now.
He’d chosen a life of solitude, with the prospect of one day marrying to have an heir, but little else. He wasn’t a complete bastard and knew that he had to offer his future wife comfort and politeness, but he’d never thought there would be more. Never wanted more, and then Alice had stepped into his life.
“Damn you,” Jamie whispered. She muddled with the order he craved. Alice had turned his life on its head, and he didn’t know how to change that. Perhaps distance would mean he’d forget her.
Her father wanted her married and out of his house, but Alice told him she had other plans. What plans? Was she about to take more risks and hurtle herself into danger? What of her aunt? Surely if she was under Alice’s care, then danger would not be involved.
The two men in her life who should have loved her had failed Alice. Her brother, for one, and yet he could not blame the man for sliding into madness. He’d been close a time or two after what he’d endured in Blackwood Hall. But to hurt her was unacceptable, and Jamie had no doubt after what Alice had told him that Charles had done that.
Her father had failed her terribly, as well, and when he saw the man, he’d make sure to tell him exactly what he thought of him.
She was a brave woman, and he knew that hadn’t always been easy. But Alice had persevered and survived. Jamie had no doubt she’d kept Lord Smythe’s business and estates running, and running well.
He lay there for a while, letting thoughts tumble over and over inside his head, and finding no way to clear them. Finally, he felt the need to move and put some distance between him and Alice. It was for the best, anyway. If anyone saw him leaving here in daylight hours, it would cause trouble for her.
He rose from the bed, feeling every ache and pain in his body. Searching the room, he found a shirt and his jacket on a chair. His boots were harder to get on, but Jamie managed with a lot of grunting.
Walking through the silent house, wincing as he took the stairs down, Jamie thought about the woman he was walkingaway from. A woman who had done something no one before her ever had. She’d made him feel, and Jamie feared that feeling was something a great deal stronger than he’d ever be brave enough to acknowledge, because no good could come of that, for either of them.
He stepped outside the front door as the rain started and began walking, head still full of a woman he could never have. No one should be married to a man with the demons he had in his head.
London was waking, and the sky was gray and dark as the rain increased in intensity. Jamie huddled in his coat and increased his pace. His body hurt too much to run. He’d be having a bath when he reached his townhouse.
He was turning onto his street when he felt a shiver of unease run down his spine. Turning, he was too late to stop the hand from covering his mouth. He inhaled instinctively and a vile smell filled his nostrils. He tried to fight, but soon his limbs began to feel heavy, and he felt himself slide toward darkness. His last rational thought was for Alice and the fact that he would never see her again.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Alice had tossedand turned during the few hours of sleep she’d managed to snatch. Finally, the rain forced her out of bed. She had woken with a stuffy head, aches in places that had never ached before, and a crotchety temperament that boded well for no one.
She’d given her innocence to Jamie and asked for nothing in return, not that he’d offered anything. Which was what they both wanted. The problem was that when his hands had held her, and his kisses had caressed her body, she had hoped for a brief moment that they could have more, and that had been a dangerous thing for two people who had vowed never to love.
“What a mess,” Alice muttered as she sat on the side of her bed. But she’d never regret what happened last night. She’d asked him to show her what could be between a man and a woman, and he’d done that with tenderness and passion. But she was not foolish enough to think what they experienced had been commonplace.
Alice had once read a book that had the words,their souls had touched, and laughed. She was not laughing now. In fact, she felt desperate and off-balance. Jamie had taken her to a place she’d never thought to go before. He’d made love to her as if she was important to him—well, she thought he had—but perhaps he did that with all the women he’d slept with. The thought annoyed her enough to pick up one of her pillows and hurl it across the room.
What has become of me?
She prided herself on being strong, and yet right then she was not. He’d done this to her. Jamie had made her feel and made her think about a future he didn’t want.You don’t want it either!
God’s blood, Alice, get yourself together!
When Maggie arrived, she called for a tub and bathed, forcing herself to smile when a staff member came close.
