Chapter Twenty-Seven
Jamie woke suddenlywhen he felt the lash on his back.
“A dream,” he reminded himself. Heart pounding, he forced himself upright until he was seated on the side of the bed. His body ached as he moved, but he wouldn’t lie there and fall back into another nightmare.
Inhaling deeply, he exhaled slowly. When he was calmer, he pushed himself up and off the bed. His ribs tugged viciously, but if he moved, it would help rid his head of the lingering dark, the feel of that whip and the other things he’d been tortured with alongside his friends.
It was seeing Jackson again that had stirred everything up inside him.
It had been years ago, and yet still the remnants of that hell lingered. Rearing their heads to remind him of what he and so many others had endured.
Running a hand through his sweat-drenched hair, Jamie paced slowly to the window, moving his abused body to loosen it up.
He loathed any form of weakness inside him. Loathed being vulnerable, and kept himself in peak condition so no one would ever control or hurt him again. But he’d not been able to stop those men, and that chafed at him, because he’d not been able to stop those who had abused him as a boy either.
Pushing the curtain aside, he noted it was still the early hours of the morning. He had not been sleeping long. That bloodylaudanum. They’d held him down at Blackwood Hall and forced it down his throat. He’d loathed it ever since.
The sound of the door opening had him turning, body tensing. He watched her walk in and look to the bed. Finding it empty, she searched the room and located Jamie.
“Is everything all right, Jamie?”
Alice moved closer slowly, and the weak light coming in the window allowed him to see she was wearing a white nightdress and a thick woollen shawl. The soft material floated around her ankles as she moved. Jamie felt his pulse quicken.
He knew he couldn’t let himself get closer to Alice, because he had nothing to offer a woman more than his title and perhaps a child, that was. Alice deserved more from her future husband. She deserved to be loved.
“All is well, Alice. Go back to your bed.”
Jamie knew she wasn’t one to follow orders, but he had to try. She kept walking until she was inches from where he stood. Her eyes studied him, running over his face.
“What has happened?”
“Nothing. How could it here in your townhouse?” But he heard the rasp of uncertainty in his voice, just as she did.
“Did the laudanum give you bad dreams?”
Her hair was in a long braid and hung over her left shoulder. Jamie clenched his hands into fists so he wouldn’t reach for it. He wanted to test the texture and bring it to his lips.
“You need to go back to your room, my lady.” He’d used her title deliberately to put distance between them. She didn’t speak, just stood there watching him.
“Why are you here in this room, Alice?
“I woke and thought to check on you, to ensure you needed nothing,” she said. “Would you like help to get back into the bed?”
“I managed to get here. I’m sure I can make it back.” He sounded petulant, and didn’t seem able to stop himself.
They stared at each other then, and Jamie knew his eyes would be filled with hunger. Leaning closer, he saw something in hers. Wariness perhaps? She had every right to feel that way, because right then, he wanted to touch Alice. Wanted to lose himself in her to chase away the pain and lingering traces of what had woken him. If he was in his townhouse, he’d go to his room and punch his bag.
“I will leave,” Jamie said, not moving. “No one can know I am here.”
“No one knows,” she said, her tone soothing. “I’m sure we can get you home without detection, Jamie.”
“It is not me I am worried for,” he snapped back.
“I care nothing for that. In fact, I am making plans to leave London and likely never return.”
“Why?” That he may never see this woman again disturbed him a great deal.
“Some things have changed, but that is nothing that concerns you. Now come, you need your sleep.” Her hand touched his arm. It was only brief, but he felt it.
