He’d not left his townhouse for two days after he’d spoken with them, as the memories had come back harder and more punishing than before.
Closing his eyes briefly, he forced down the images of the time in his life that had changed him beyond recognition from the one who had arrived at Blackwood Hall, eager and ready to face this next journey life was presenting him.
“Jackson is a dangerous man, Lady Alice. The word evil embodies him. I would not advise you to ever confront him alone.”
“I know the man he is, my lord,” she said in a cold, hard voice. “My brother told me some of what he suffered, but after he passed, I found a journal of his time at Blackwood Hall. It went into detail of the torture.”
Christ.He could only imagine what she read in there, if her brother suffered as he and his friends had. The thought of her learning about what cruelty he’d endured made him feel slightly nauseous. There was also vulnerability. Jamie felt exposed when for so long he’d taken steps to hide his pain and what he’d experienced at Blackwood Hall.
“My brother made me promise something before his death, Lord Stafford. He wanted me to seek retribution on his behalf against Kenneth Jackson.”
“No.” The word was out of his mouth before he could recall it.
“No?” She raised a brow.
“I’m quite sure your brother would not wish to throw you into the path of a man like him, Lady Alice,” Jamie added. “Was he in his right mind when he asked this of you?”
“How dare you speak of my brother in such a way?” She snapped the words at him like the crack of a whip.
“This is no game, my lady—”
“Oh yes, you can imagine how amusing I find the memory of my brother weeping in his sleep as he relived the hell he went through, or lashing out as the anger gripped him. Watching him slide into a madman because he could no longer face the hell of living!”
Her anguish reached out to him then, and the sheen in her eyes told Jamie tears were close.
Chapter Eight
“Lady Alice, Idid not mean—”
“I lost my brother long before he drew his last breath, my lord.” Her words cut him off.
She got out of her seat then and moved back to the window. Jamie stayed where he was, watching her. Her arms folded tight around her waist as if to protect herself from something. Memories, Jamie thought, as he was no threat to her, and vowed right then never to be so again.
This woman had suffered deeply; he could see that clearly now.
“Sorry is a word that should mean something to you in this moment, Lady Alice, but I know it doesn’t. However, I am that, and as someone who went through what your brother did, I know how he suffered.” Jamie regained his feet, but did not approach her.
It wasn’t an easy thing to say, acknowledging the suffering, but right then she needed to hear those words, because only then might she decide to trust him.
“And yet there you stand before me with all the appearance of a gentleman who doesn’t suffer.”
The anger came then, fast and fierce, even though he knew she was lashing out in retaliation for his previous words. Jamie took a few seconds to calm down before he spoke.
“Because I do not show it does not mean I don’t battle my demons, Lady Alice, as do my friends.”
She sighed. “Forgive me if you thought I was in any way suggesting you didn’t go through what my brother did, Lord Stafford. That was not my intention. In fact, I don’t know what I meant by those words.” She didn’t look at him, her eyes still on the window. “I had believed Charles strong, but—”
“I survived because I had my friends, Lady Alice.” He cut her off. “Without them, I would not have. If your brother was alone, then his struggle would have been greater.”
“So yes, I am seeking revenge on behalf of Charles, Lord Stafford, and there is nothing you can do or say to change my mind on this.” She returned to her seat then, and Jamie retook his.
He looked at the uneaten plate of cake and realized that, for the first time in a long while, he had lost his appetite. He also knew in that moment there was nothing he could do or say to dissuade her from her revenge, just as no one could sway him.
“Very well, but perhaps we could work together in finding him, and then we will both be safe,” Jamie said.
She turned in her seat, studying him. Jamie withstood the look. Anthony’s three aunts, after all, who were world class at it, had stared him down many times.
“You are just saying that so you can keep track of my movements, aren’t you?” Her amber eyes narrowed. “Let me assure you I do not now, nor ever, need a man to protect me, Lord Stafford, and especially not one who is a stranger.”
