Kinsley steps over to me and puts her hand on my arm. “Ithink maybe for the first time, you found your safe place, Harper. Only, it’s not a place; it’s a person.” There are tears in her eyes, and I blink and then blink again. “Just like I found my safe place with Kaldar,” she adds.
I don’t say anything; I can’t. There’s a lump in my throat, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t talk past it. “I think,” Farrah starts slowly. “I think Rauk is just as feisty and stubborn as you are. He’s not threatened by you, by your strength, Harper. He loves you just the way you are.”
I start visibly at the wordlove. “He doesn’t love me,” I’m quick to say in a rough voice. Kinsley and Farrah both just smile at me. “He doesn’t,” I repeat.
“Okay,” Kinsley says gently. “How did you feel when you stayed there in the Dragon Kingdom?”
“I don’t know,” I respond quickly.
Chapter 52
“Yes, you do,” Kinsley urges softly. “Did you feel safe?” I don’t answer. “Did you feel like you could be you?” Her eyes meet mine. “I know you’re scared, Harper. And man, I get it. I was so uncertain with Kaldar, but I took the leap. I trusted that he would catch me, and he did. I think,” Kinsley pauses and blinks a few times. “I think maybe if you jump, Rauk will be the one to catch you.”
“And he won’t ever drop you,” Farrah adds.
“It’s hard to fall because it feels like you're giving up your independence,” Farrah says. “Believe me; I know. But with the right guy, you’re not giving up anything. You’re simply adding more strength. And I think,” she glances at Kinsley with a smile. “We both think that he’s the right guy.”
“But what if he doesn’t want me?” My words are a hoarse whisper and feel like they were ripped from the depths of my heart. I feel something wet on my cheek, and I wipe it away in horror.
“Oh, Harper,” Kinsley says. Suddenly, her arms are around me; and Farrah’s too. I hold myself stiff, uncomfortable with all the touching and emotion. Suddenly, Kinsley grips my arms and looks up at me. “You listen to me. I’m sorry for the way we grew up. It wasn’t right. I’m sorry you lost your parents at such a young age, before you even really got a chance to get to know them.” I blink. “But they didn’t choose to leave you, Harper. They had no choice. We’re not unlovable because we were banished, Harper.” Her voice is soft. “It’s taken me a while to get this. Who am I kidding? I’m still trying to live this truth. We are not unlovable, Harper. We have people that love us, not for what we can do for them. They love us simply because of who we are. Kaldar loves me for me. And that’s all. And I think, if you give him a chance, Rauk will love you for who you are too.”
“I think he already does,” Farrah adds softly.
“How do you know?” I hate the way my voice sounds, so desperate and broken. But I need to know the answer.
Farrah smiles. “It’s not in what he says, that’s for sure. It’s in what he does.”
Kinsley laughs. “Yeah.”
They must both see my confusion because they continue. “He brought his entire army to fight the guivres. He didn’t do that for us, Harper,” Farrah says. “He never had any intention of fighting in this war. He told us that when we first met him. He did it for you.”
“When you were unconscious?” Kinsley says, and both she and Farrah both shudder. “He lost his mind,” Kinsley finishes. “He threatened every single person that came near your room.He picked fights with Kaldar and Rysden.”
“And Lox,” Farrah adds. “I thought he was going to kill Lox. Rysden finally made him leave and come back here.”
“Really?” I ask.
“Oh yeah. He had it out for him. Bad,” Farrah says, shaking her head. They both laugh and then sober up. “I know we can’t tell you what to do, and we can’t tell you it will all work out. But we can tell you that if you don’t take this chance, you will regret it for the rest of your life.”
Kinsley nods. “You’ve always been the bravest person I know. Don’t change that now.”
“Do you love him?” Farrah asks softly.
My rebuttal is swift. “No.”
“But could you be headed that way?” Kinsley asks.
My rebuttal isn’t so swift this time. “I don’t even know how to love.”
Kinsley says, shaking her head fiercely. “Yes, you do. You may not be touchy feely or love touch or emotion, but you know how to love, Harper. You love deeper than any person I know.”
“How do you know that?” I ask, more harshly than I mean to.
“Because.” Kinsley lifts her head, staring me dead in the eye. “You would give your life for Farrah or me, and I have a feeling for Rauk’s little sister, too.” I don’t disagree with her. “Don’t tell me that’s not love.”
I close my eyes and rub a hand over my face. “This is all too much.”
Farrah gives me a sympathetic smile. “I know. It was too much for me at one time too.”
