And all that I’ve found.
“Tell me about the god metal arrows,” I beg, voice hoarse from emotion, and thick with guilt for all the ways I have spewed my pain.
“It’s called zarethite,” Rubi explains. “It was mined in Black Heart Belt—the place we first arrived in through the Gateway—before The Decay. They were mined and forged into weapons—sacredweapons. The weapons were bestowed upon great warriors by the gods themselves,” she says with gravitas that commands me to listen. “Ronyn had the idea that he could talk Death into making him Aevryn’s first god metal archer.”
I close my eyes, imagining the way he shared his grand idea. The theatrics, dramatics and silliness that were always threaded into the fabric of everything he did. My heart hurts at the memory of him. Of how much I miss his presence in my life already.
“Well, I guess he did,” I say fondly.
“I guess he did,” Seren agrees.
“Not quite,” Rubi interjects. “That was Kael,” she says, wagging her eyebrows with a knowing smile. “It was part of the deal he cut.”
I bury my head again, desperate to escape.
I’ve been wrong.So fucking wrong.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I’m sorry for not being there while you grieve, too. I’m sorry for escaping when I needed to be here with you. I just… don’t know how to face it all,” I admit, my throat working to stave off the tears.
“I know,” Seren soothes, folding over me with her body, pulling me into her nest of golden hair. “We’ll face it together.”
I lean into her touch, and the warmth of it bleeds into my soul.
I thought survival meant keeping everyone out. But maybe healing means letting them in.
“I’m hungry,” Rubi announces, rubbing her belly in exaggeration. “Teddy went hunting, so it’s a feast tonight.”
Seren looks at me questioningly, and I nod. “I could do with a decent meal,” I admit, and the growl of my hunger punctuates the air at the perfect moment.
I pull on some trousers, and wrap myself in furs, readying for a night by the fire, but I can’t pass the opportunity to tease her. “So, Therion?” I raise my eyebrows, staring Seren down like a protective older sister.
“Fuck off,” she dismisses, swatting my arm, but I don’t miss the smirk that tugs at her lips.
And for the first time since Kryntar, I feel the faintest crack of light through the darkness.
And a piece of myself returns.
CHAPTER THIRTY
ELYSSARA
We approach the campfire,raw but united, where a handful of figures rest on seats carved from trunks, clinking tankards and sitting in relative silence.
Kael, Therion, Daelen, Jax and Merrik come into focus as I round the fire and claim a spot across from them. Their eyes land on me simultaneously, shock and confusion lining their faces.
I’ve wrapped my mind and heart in walls of Duskae’s magic since the moment we returned to Thornewood, but I breathe deeply, holding Kael’s gaze, and allow the walls to slowly recede. Letting the walls slip down like a silk negligee falling from my body. An invitation. An olive branch.
He doesn’t flinch as the barrage of rioting thoughts and emotions flood the tether, hungry and desperate for somewhere to go. He just stares at me, unwavering and unfazed—like he’s not scared of this.Of me.Through the tether, I feel him—steady, unmoving, loyal.
I breathe a shaky sigh, and steel myself. Down the tether, I say,I am not the same woman, Kael. Kryntar changed me. You don’t want this version of me.
He flinches, offended.There is no end to the way I want you, Elyssara. Every part of you. The broken, the bruised, the beautiful. I don’t care which parts you give me—I want all of them.
His voice is hard and restrained. Like he’s terrified I’ll shut him out again, desperate to keep the tether humming.
I can feel the others’ eyes on us, assessing, analyzing, deciphering our silent exchange. But I keep going.
I’ve done things, said things, thought things that make me a monster, Kael. I would’ve kept going with Vessira if you didn’t stop me. The monster in me will always be there. I send the words down the tether, letting myself admit them for the first time. Letting myself admit that more than anything, I’m afraid of the monsterwithin.
