Then, mercifully, he smirks—like he can’t leave me bleeding open for too long. “Never thought I’d see the day Kael Thorne shared a fucking thing, let alone his Starbound,” he teases.
I huff a laugh at that.
“Or maybe you took my advice and tried the whole ‘less possessive’ thing?” he adds with a mocking note.
I can’t fight the smile anymore—it breaks free on my face. “I don’t know much, but Idoknow that love makes us fucking stupid, doesn’t it?”
He doesn’t speak—only nods in agreement.
The night fills with silence, and we settle into a comfortable rhythm of filling our tankards and draining them. But my mind isn’t idle.I know Therion’s right.
If hate is all she has left, I’ll take it. I’ll take it, and I’ll stay until the Stars will have me back.
I’d rather live hated than live without her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
ELYSSARA
The hazeof smoke mirrors my mind—heavy, oppressive, choking.
I miss the feel of Kael’s body against mine.Is it possible to feel safe in the arms of my ruin?
His scent lingers on my skin—oakmoss, leather, steel, and the unmistakable presence of fiery liquor.
I’m being an asshole. I know I’m pushing him to a point he may not be able to return from—but I can’t stop. I don’twantto stop.
My pain needs an outlet, and Kael is it.
I know he’s not telling me everything about what happened that night. He’s holding back. But why? What else could he be hiding from me?
I want to know, but knowing what really happened might mean giving up the blame I’ve shoved at him.And then what will I do with all of this rage?
It took every shred of restraint not to lean into his touch, get lost in his ocean eyes, let his hands grip my hips and remind me who we are together. It took everything not to fall at his feet and be who wewere. But I can’t look at him. Not without Vessira’s images ambushing my thoughts and dominating my reality. Thewoman who existed before Kryntar is not the same one who returned.
So I’ll push him away, until hestaysaway.
I want to reach for the vice that takes me farthest from here—another’s touch. But Thornewood doesn’t offer the same anonymity as Virellin once did. So I’m left with the flask and Rubi’s voidroot.
I drag the smoke into my lungs like it’ll save me from this. But I know the truth: nothing will.
Because silence is the one thing I can’t stand—the voidroot is easier than memory.
Rubi’s door creaks open, and two figures walk into the thick, oppressive plume I’ve created. I sit up, wiping my sleeve across my face to dry my tears.
Seren and Rubi cut through the smoke.
My stomach sours at the sight of Seren, and her words reverberate through my mind.
Destructive and selfish. That’s what you are. You’re better than this, but you sure as Stars don’t act like it.
I know she’s right. I’m being selfish—I’m not the only one who lost Ronyn. I’m not the only one grieving, but my pain has claws and it thrashes and gouges until it draws blood. Only, I don’t want to draw Seren’s blood. I want to hold her until everything is okay.
I look at her beautiful face—wide, curious eyes of honey-bronze stare back at me, expectant. I search her eyes, trying to find the young girl I’ve practically raised, but staring back at me is a formidable woman. A woman who has embraced her fate in a way that I never have.
I hang my head, ashamed and repentant. “I’m sorry, Seren. I was angry and unfair, and you didn’t deserve that,” I admit, apology wrapped around my every word. The words taste like sugar—too sweet and syrupy. I’ve spoken only violence sincethe Gateway took me to Kryntar and I feel changed by it. Like somehow bitterness has stitched itself into the fabric of me.
So I let the words hang in the air. Exposing myself to them.
