“You’re okay. Just breathe through it.”
I slam my eyes shut, clinging to the instruction.Toughen up, Emma. Get over yourself. It’s fine. Everything is fine.
“Do you need your meds?” Ellie whispers, her hand steadying on my shoulder blade.
“I don’t know.” I grimace, the strangling heat in my throat moving up into my head. It starts to pound, and I press a palm to my forehead. “Maybe,” I finally say, defeated that I couldn’t make it a day without needing a pill.
“Hey.” Ellie tugs me toward her and leveling me with a look. “You’re not a failure because you need help. What’s going on is enough to send anyone into a fit, and you are handling itsowell. Give yourself some grace.” She jostles my shoulders with each word. “And maybe a little space too.”
I snort. “I wish.”
“I’m serious.” She arches a brow.
“Grace,” I breathe out.
“And space.”
“Grace and space.” I smile as she pulls out my anxiety medication from the top of the cupboard, weakly hidden behind a container of flour. “Benny and I are going to be here all day, and Steven seems to be handling it well. Why don’t you go upstairs and rest, pump, read your book. Do something foryourself.”
“Sure. But we both know I’ll just lieup there thinking about what’s going on down here, then I’ll need more of these.” I wave the bottle she handed me around like it’s a ribbon, rattling the pills manically to emphasize my point.
With an exhausted eye roll, Ellie sets her feet and blocks my path back into the living room.
“Seriously?”
She doesn’t budge.
“I just can’t, El.” I sigh, the words collapsing before I can build any kind of defense. I don’t have the energy to defend myself. The emotional tax I’ve been paying for days has finally caught up with me, leaving me overdrawn and worn out. “I need to be here. For them. Forhim.”
She says nothing, but her mouth twists like she’s holding something back.
“What?” I snap.
“I didn’t say anything.”
I narrow my eyes. “Ellie…”
“Everything alright?”
Steven’s voice drifts in from the doorway, Josie asleep in his arms. He cradles her like a football, her limbs loose as they dangle over his forearm. Drool dribbles around the pacifier that’s balanced in her half-open mouth. The sight of them is so tender that it makes me want to melt. He catches me smiling and gives a small, helpless shrug, like this is just how things are now.
“Everything’s fine,” Ellie tells him, but she doesn’t turn around. Her eyes stay locked on mine, unblinking. “Emma was thinking about going upstairs to take a nap, which I thought was a great idea, don’t you?”
She finally shifts just enough to arch a brow in his direction, the question still aimed squarely at me. I grit my teeth at her.
Steven doesn’t give the question half a thought when he agrees. “I think that’s a greatidea. You should rest, Emma.”
Ellie’s face goes from tentative to downright devious. I gape at both of them, dumbfounded by this new dynamic. Present-day Steven and my sister aren’t co-conspirators. They tolerate each other, at best. They disagree more than anything, which makes for terrible game nights. But right now, when I need Steven to read my mind, see the way my jaw is set and my eyes are shooting daggers at my sister, he can’t.
“We have things to—”
“You can handle them,” Ellie interjects through a tight smile, “after your nap.”
“Fine.” I grunt at her then turn to Steven. “Are you okay?”
“I am perfect,” he reassures me, snuggling Josie closer. Of course losing his memory couldn’t erase the pure joy he has in being a father. I’m not sure what I was expecting—if I was expecting anything, really—but knowing he’s not running for the hills eases the dread that’s been curdling in my stomach.
He gives me a soft smile before he joins the boys back in the living room. My head swivels from the doorway to where Ellie still stands, slow and deadly. Like a predator. She flinches, just barely. Then she straightens, schooling herself as she lifts her hand and points toward the stairs.
