Her tone doesn’t sound like a jab, but it hurts just the same. To hear someone acknowledge what we’ve been going through for months now fills me with an icky sensation.
“No,” I finally say. “He doesn’t know.”
“Are you going to tell him?” She can’t help herself from asking. If it was her and Malcolm, I’d be asking.
“No,” I say quickly. “At least not until I know if this is…permanent.” My words are quiet and painful, settling on my chest like an elephant. The possibility of Steven never regaining his memory lingers close by, ready to suffocate me.
Kate squeezes my elbow but doesn’t say a word. What could she say?Don’t worry, he’ll get it back.She knows better than to fill someone with false hope.
A sharp knock rattles Steven’s door, pulling our attention. Kate and I both whip our heads just in time to see Malcolmwaltzinside like he was summonedthere.
“Well, hello there,” he mutters as the door swings shut behind him.
Kate and I exchange a horrified glance before sprinting after him.
“Malcolm!” Kate huffs at the same moment I groan, “You freaking giant.”
But it’s too late, because Malcolm is already at Steven’s bedside, his massive hand engulfing Steven’s in a firm shake. I brace for Steven to flinch or freeze, overwhelmed by the stranger, but he surprises me by giving Malcolm that award-winning smile that makes my insides gooey.
“Now which one are you?” Steven asks, eyes traveling up the six-foot-something frame in front of him. He sits a little taller in bed, like he’s trying to reclaim ground he suddenly lost. At five-ten, Steven was never one of the tall ones, but he never let that chip away at his confidence. He knew size didn’t matter in most arenas. But now, stuck in a hospital bed, indisposed and vulnerable in a way he’s never been, I can see it. The way his self-worth falters slightly.
But he doesn’t let anyone see it, acting as though it was to adjust his pillows, and he settles back as Malcolm says, “One of Emma’s coworkers.”
“Employee now,” I amend, reminding him that, as of this week, I am now his boss.
He wilts at this before sitting in the recliner next to Steven’s bed and waves me off. “Yeah, right. But you and I are fishing buddies, so…” He points to Steven as he makes himself comfortable in the recliner.
I can’t help but gape at his lack of social awareness, then I whip my eyes to Kate, who looks at me in feigned innocence before sitting in the chair underneath the television.
“Sure, I guess you guys can stay,” I grumble.
“Can Jones not have visitors?” Malcolm asks.
“I think it’s fine,” Steven says.
“The doctors just don’t want him to get overwhelmed,” I mutter, stepping to the sink and taking the first look at my reflection since I got to the hospital.
I hear Malcolm tell Steven, “I’m the least overwhelming person you know,” but the longer I look at the woman staring back at me, the quicker their conversation fades into the background. My dark circles look like they could be permanent, adding a dusky tone to my green eyes. My hair is half pinned back now, bumpy and lopsided, and my gray hairs at my temples seem to be amplified under the fluorescent lights. Then I notice a small spot, right there on my chest, and a beacon of awareness shoots through me. I should’ve handled this hours ago. I press my hand to the spot, and a throbbing pain pierces through me.
Kate clears her throat, and I see, in the mirror, her point at the pump bag sitting in the sink. I glance between it and Steven, laughing at something absurd Malcolm has said. I grip the countertop, wrestling with myself and what I need to do, what I want to do. I don’t want to leave Steven alone for too long, and I definitely can’t pump in his room. In his mind, he’s only twenty-four years old and has probably never seen a breast pump in person. Textbooks never count in these circumstances. If I wasn’t freaking him out now, that would definitely be his undoing.
“Go ahead,” Malcolm says from behind me. “I won’t let him escape.”
Steven barks out a laugh before glancing at me in confusion. His eyes are soft and patient, the way I know them, the way I need them. But as the pain and dampness under my shirt start to spread, I realize I don’t have time to explain.
“I’ll be right back,” I announce before scooping up the bag and heading for the mother’s room I saw on the second floor.
By the time I get back, I’m a new woman, more level-headed and energetic. I guess a dry top, empty boobs, and brushed hair is my newdrug of choice.
“Hey, guys,” I sing-song, tossing the pump bag in the closet. “What’d I miss?” The question is meant for all three of them, but my eyes catch on Steven as his gaze flicks down my frame and back up. It’s quick, distracted, like he doesn’t mean to linger.
Then his dark eyes meet mine. He blinks, as if he’s been caught crossing a line, and I know color creeps up my cheeks in response. Heat unfurls beneath my skin as he drags a restless hand over his face.
“They were just telling me about their summer plans,” he finally says, dropping his hands into his lap. His gaze trips over me again, and my stomach flips.
“What you really missed,” Malcolm cuts in, hauling himself out of the recliner, “is us boring him to death. I can only do small talk for so long before it starts to sound fake.”
“Malcolm,” Kate snips at him, offended for all of us. “He’s just kidding.”
