“Thank you.”
“But you’re just as lucky,” he says with a wink. “Don’t give up on him, Em.”
He gives me a smile, the one that every daughter wants from a father, the kind that knits you back together when you didn’t even realize how unraveled you’d become. He kisses the top of my head and heads back inside, the screen door snapping shut with its usual bounce behind him.
Just then, a cloud of dust rises as Tom’s yellow step side truck barrels toward the house. Steven whips the thing back and forth, hitting small bumps intentionally, Easton and Sawyer grinning wildly in the front seat. They screech to a stop at the edge of the driveway, gravel skittering under the tires. The boys’ laughter erupts as they spill out of the truck.
“Hi, Mom!” Sawyer shouts as he rushes into the house.
Steven lingers, watching them with a tight, unreadable expression. Then he climbs out, and his gaze finds mine. I can’t tell what’s behind it. Is he happy to see me? Angry? A million questions ping around in my head as he climbs the porch steps. He gives me a shy wave and stuffs his hands in his pockets.
“Hey,” he whispers.
“Hi,” I whisper back. “How’d it go?”
“Good.” He nods once. “Sawyer thought he had me convinced that we let them eat five donuts at a time, though.”
A tiny laugh escapes me, and I press a hand to my cheek. “Taking advantage of you, huh?”
“They have no remorse,” he says dryly.
He holds the door open for me as we make our way back into the house. Josie is on the floor with Shayna and Jay, while Donna sits curled onthe couch. Her eyes are distant today, not fully here. Steven’s gaze falters, lingering painfully on his mom before drifting to Josie.
If it were possible to see joy erupt physically out of someone’s chest, that’s what I would see right now. His whole posture softens, brightens even, becoming something open and unguarded as he watches her roll across the play mat. She notices him, her smile stretching wide, cheeks, drool, and all.
My stomach flips as he drops to the floor beside her. His baby talk bubbles up, which is a cross between Elmo and Mr. Rogers, but I’ve grown to love it. The old Steven stopped baby-talking when the twins were six months old. It was like he’d outgrown that playful, joyful side of himself—the side I fell in love with.
And now, watching him, those feelings are stirring again.
“You sure you got it all?” Steven teases once we’re packed in the car, eyeing the inside of the SUV that’s now busting at the seams.
“Har har.” I roll my eyes and buckle up.
He chuckles, leaning his arms against the hood. “Be good travelers, boys.”
“Yes, sir!”
“Bye, Dad!”
The boys settle into their seats with a plethora of road trip activities, barely acknowledging Steven’s presence—mine too, for that matter. As if nothing is weird about the fact that their dad isn’t coming home with us. Maybe it’s better this way. Let them believe things are normal as best we can.
“Well…” Steven looks at me, leaning in through the window, lingering, waiting. “Drive safe.”
“I will,” I whisper, gazing up at him. His dark skin is striking against the backdrop of the morning sun. It casts a glowing halo around him so enticing I have to bite my lip. The moment in the alley last nightstill lingers on my tongue, sizzling deep in my core. His warm breath fogs the space between us.
“Is it weird to say I’ll miss you?”
I laugh, unable to help it. “Of course not. People love to hear that.”
He laughs too, his award-winning smile gleaming back at me. Then it softens into something tender, affectionate in a way you reserve for someone you truly cherish. The center of my chest aches at how quickly hope tangles itself around this picture of him. Hope that’s threading through all my vital organs. A hope that can either protect every part of me or destroy me in an instant.
His hand finds mine, pulling it to his lips. He presses a soft, lingering kiss to my knuckles then pauses when he reaches my wedding ring glinting in the sunlight. The gold band is worn, the diamond dull from years of life. He twists the ring slightly, deciding something, before letting it go and placing my hand gently back on the steering wheel.
Then his eyes, dark and warm, trace their way up my arm, lingering on my lips before finally meeting my gaze. He’s thinking about last night too. I can feel it in my bones.
When life gets hard, or your husband loses his memory and you have to proceed with caution, it’s easy to forget what attraction feels like. What it’s like for desire to burn hot inside you or to feel wanted in return. Even in marriage, desire gets buried under the rubble of life, sometimes lost for good. But I’m realizing when it comes back, it comes back with a ferocity you can’t explain. Fierce and unbidden, like it’s been locked up for far too long. Even with everything going on, my body is on a different wavelength entirely. A hot and consuming wavelength.
A pulse rockets through me as Steven licks his lips and leans in, the heat of him brushing my neck. He presses a kiss to my jaw. A low sound rumbles from deep in his throat, and I feel it reverberate down my spine.Reluctantly, he pulls back, pupils swallowing the warm brown of his eyes, before steadying himself and clearing his throat.
