“Emma, wait.” I grab her waist, pulling her to me, longing to hold her here forever. My mouth finds hers before she can answer. She gasps then rises onto her toes, kissing me back like it’s innate in her. Her hands cradle my face, and my fingers trace up her back, her heartbeat hammering against mine.
“Steven,” she pants, the taste of champagne lingering as her lips brush mine.
I want her so bad, so deeply, I feel it in the blood that courses through my veins. An aching pulse that travels so fast I feel flushed and lightheaded as she moves against me, kissing me the way I know we used to. It’s familiar, the taste of her, the feel of her, the sheer euphoria ofus. For one perfect moment, everything feels right…and entirely mine.
But then she stops. Panting, she pulls back from me, her lipstick now gone and cheeks flushed. Her eyes are shining as she gazes up at me in a way I long for, a way that says she loves me. I’m still clinging to her, chest to chest, hands splayed across her back, reluctant to let her go.
“Maybe some time at home will be good for you,” she whispers, brushing her thumb across her lips and then mine.
“Em,” I whimper, shutting my eyes.
“Hey.” She tilts my face up, and I open my eyes. There’s a flicker of reassurance in her eyes, a promise there that I so desperately need. “I’m not abandoning you. Stay here, work through things, and come back when you’re ready. I’ll be waiting for you, and we’ll figure out what to do next.”
Then she’s gone, and I’m alone in the alley when an awful thought sinks in.
What if her version ofnextdoesn’t include me?
Chapter thirty-six
Emma
“Goteverything?”Tomasksas I shove the last bag of toys into the back. As expected, we’re leaving with more than we arrived with. He chuckles as I fight the hatch, the leaning tower of Legos wobbling dangerously before I finally get the door fully latched.
“You know this was too much,” I grumble.
“It’s what grandpas are for.” He smiles, patting the hood like it’s a good stallion.
I follow him back up to the house, a swirl of emotions sloshing in my gut. Gratitude. Guilt. Relief. Gratitude for him and his kindness. He’s such a wonderful grandpa and father-in-law. Guilt for the time it’s been since we visited last, though he hasn’t once given me a hard time for it. Relief that, this entire weekend, he hasn’t pushed me to talk about Steven—not once, when everyone else couldn’t resist.
He must sense what I’m thinking because he wraps an arm around me and hugs me close. His white beard scratches my forehead as he presses a gentle kiss there.
“I’m lucky to have you as a daughter-in-law, you know that?”
“I’m lucky to have you.” I give him a squeeze.
“When will the boys be back?”
I glance down at my watch and shrug. Steven took them to feed the cows and get donuts before we head back home. The least I coulddo was let them have that time together. Still, dread curls in my stomach. What is everything going to be like once we’re home?
Tom leads me to the two rocking chairs tucked into the corner of the wraparound porch, gesturing for me to join him. The weathered blanket draped over one flaps in the cool morning breeze. He hands it to me as he sits, the wood creaking with the motion.
Sun dapples the wooden porch planks at our feet, highlighting chipped paint and old nail heads. Along the fence line, cows graze lazily on whatever Steven tossed into their troughs earlier, and dew clings to the grass that stretches farther than my eyes can see.
“How are you doing, kiddo?” Tom asks behind closed eyes, letting the sun warm his face as his chair creaks back and forth.
“I’m alright. How are you?”
He doesn’t open his eyes, but the incredulous shift in his expression is enough. The look I’m all too familiar with…he sees right through me.
I laugh. “Is it that obvious?”
“Darling, your husband can’t remember your life together. You’re not alright.”
“Good point.” I chew my bottom lip, staring too intently at the wrinkles fanning from his eyes and the subtle flutter of his closed lids.
“And that’s okay, you know.” He smiles softly. “You don’t have to be alright all the time.”
I snort at this.
