Malcolm laughs, pulling me to the sidelines. “It’s just a little water.”
“It’s not!” I stomp my foot and yell at the sky. “It’s a sign from the universe!”
He lets out a deep sigh and runs his hands through his wet hair. “I don’t think—”
“It is!” I snap, pointing a finger at him. “The universe is stopping us before we go too far, before we get mixed up in all of this and ruin everything.”
“Kate…” his voice is a defeated whisper, like my words are breaking his heart one by one. “Please don’t do this.”
“I’m not doing anything!” I lie because I know exactly what I’m doing. I’m sabotaging the moment. The possibility of something with Malcolm is too precious and wonderful, and my brain thinks the best way to react is to torture any chance it has at happiness. “I’m just stating facts. Of course we would get blasted with ice-cold water in the middle of everything. The universe is clearly sending us a sign,” my voice wavers as I try to sound convincing—for his sake or my own, I’m not sure.
“Do you really think the universe is worried about us kissing?” he muses.
“Ithinkthe universe has a way of directing everything, and Ithinkif this was meant to work out, it wouldn’t be so difficult.”Water droplets drip down my face as I glance at him. His face is blank as he watches me. “I just mean…ugh. Loving someone shouldn’t be so difficult, right? Can’t we just kiss and have a happily ever after without getting hypothermia?” I shiver. The cool air and the cold water aren’t a good mix.
“You’re right,” he says as he takes off his suit jacket and wraps me in it. “Loving someone should be easy. But what about after that?”
“What do you mean?” I nuzzle deep into his jacket, inhaling the smell of his oaky cologne and fresh body wash that comes with it.
“What about life after you start loving someone? Falling in love might be easy at first, but staying in love is totally different. Life isn’t easy, Kate, and no amount of talking with the universe can make it that way.” He sighs and clenches his jaw as the shimmering blue of his eyes focuses on me. I feel vulnerable and safe all at the same time. “Falling for you was the easiest thing I’ve done… But hell, Kate, staying in love with you hasn’t been.”
I scoff at him, slightly offended, but I get it. I’m a lot for some people.
“But I have. I’ve loved you, regardless of the circumstances. And it’s not because the universe or some higher power has made it so. It’s because Ichooseto. Your family loves you because you’re family.”Ouch,I think. “Your future children will love you because you’re their mom. But me? I don’t have to love you. Some days, I think I’m crazy because of how much I love you, but I do. And I choose to keep loving you every day because you are everything to me, and that will never change.”
He pauses for a moment, and I try to speak, but he keeps going. “Yeah, loving is easy at first, but as we grow old, life changes, and my love will change too. But I’m not going to doubt it. I’m never going to doubt how amazing you are. Or how damnlucky I am. I’m just going to keep loving you until you tell me to stop.”
“Malcolm, I…” My lips quiver as tears fill my eyes. I swallow hard, the overwhelming emotions threatening to spill over if I speak any more.
“Look…” He rubs his jaw and shifts his weight from one leg to the other. “We can—”
“Hey!”
We’re interrupted by Charlie as he barrels down the steps, flailing his arms at us like he’s running from a bear. “Coach! Coach!”
Malcolm heaves a deep sigh and rakes his hands through his wet hair. “Henders, what seems to be the problem?”
“It’s Bill!” Freaking Bill. “They think he broke his hip again!” Charlie pants. “We told him not to do it, Coach, but he didn’t listen. He just did them.”
“What did he do?” I ask, disgruntled and a tad snappy as I wipe under my eyes.
“The splits.” Charlie winces.
Malcolm whips his gaze to me, and his eyes are a mix of irritation and obligation, morals and desire battling it out right there in his retinas.
“Go.” I nod toward the school. Of course, there are a plethora of people in there that can handle the situation, but anytime someone gets injured, Malcolm seems to be the one they run to. I guess I can’t let our little field excursion get in the way of our responsibilities, no matter how much I want it to.We should’ve gone under the bleachers.
“I’ll be right there,” Malcolm sighs, and Charlie speeds off back toward the gym. Turning back to me, he pulls me into a hug and kisses the top of my head. He lingers against me for a moment, resting his chin atop my head and holding me against him likewe were made to fit together. “This will work if you give us a chance,” he whispers.
Without missing a beat, he kisses me again, quickly this time, and races up the steps. I feel physical pain as he disappears into the gym. Loneliness tries to settle all around me again, like the black cloud it is. I replay every second of what just happened. The memory of his lips on mine tingles my mouth like it's a new sense. The desire to hone in on that sense and feel it over and over is strong. But something even stronger whispers to me in the back of my mind.
You can’t lose him, Kate.
It’s been a solid eight hours since I’ve seen Malcolm. He rushed Bill to the hospital and stayed with him until early this morning when Margaret recuperated enough to get there. Apparently, jostling her aching joints all over the dance floor wasn’t the best idea for someone with rheumatoid arthritis. By the time Malcolm got home, it was 3 a.m. and I was passed out.
Probably for the best anyway.
Because I am freaking out.
