“Yes,” Benny says, sliding into the seat next to Ellie and planting a kiss on her forehead. “Emma kindly informed her sweet sister and herbossthat if we didn’t have anything to contribute, then we shouldstay out of her way.” Benny chuckles, grabbing one of the untouched plates from the center of the table. “Apparently, our banner attempts got us banished from the decorating committee.”
Ellie scoffs at Benny’s remark, as if it’s a shock at how horrid her banner-making skills are. Surely she has some clue…surely.
“So, we’re just chaperoning now.” Benny shrugs, turning his attention to his food.
Ellie bristles at the notion, rolling her eyes and trying to stab at the pancake on the fourth plate. I swat her hand away, which earns me a pout. Benny, ever the gentleman, cuts his waffle in half and offers it to her. His eyes are soft and wistful as he gazes at her like there is no one else in this diner but her. It’s heartwarming and nauseating at the same time. The sight tugs my heart in two different directions: happiness and envy.
I want what they have so badly it’s starting to feel pathetic.
But I also wish they’d get a room.
Benny wraps his arm around her and toys with the engagement ring on her finger. Ellie reciprocates with a kiss on his temple, her unabashed smile growing as she looks at him. They’re in their own little love bubble, and I’m just here—a third wheel in my own life.
I poke at my waffle, trying to drown out the laughter and shared affection from across the table. Beyond Benny and Ellie, I scan the diner. It’s three in the afternoon, which is prime time for the early bird special. Other couples fill the space, lost in conversation and breakfast food bliss. One couple, the oldest of them all, sits on the same side of the booth, sharing a plate of waffles, and doing sudoku together. Even in the midst of company, the overwhelming weight of isolation crawls up my neck like a shiver. I try to physically shake it off.
Then, my mind goes back to seeing Mom yesterday, and it makes all of this feel a thousand times worse.
The absence of my mom’s presence is usually bearable. Aside from the lack of birthday calls, I have grown accustomed to not thinking about her. Essentially, living life without her has become my new norm. And being on my own the last few years had also. I was so content, I thought.
Until these two googly eyed buffoons across from me started flaunting what they have right in front of my face.
I don’t blame them, though. I would too. The empty space in my bed, the lack of shared moments with someone, being truly understood and loved by someone…these were things I didn’t realize I was missing. But now I can’t seem to shake away the weight it has on me. The longing for it. And seeing my mom yesterday was just a reminder that I’m nowhere close to getting past these feelings.
My phone dings with a notification, anotherscorefrom Playing the Field, another pitiful chance for a happily ever after awaiting at my fingertips.
I greeted one of them“howdy doody”the other day.
Not my proudest moment.
My attempts are starting to feel desperate, but the ache to fill the void is shoving me deeper and deeper into the palms of other men—metaphorically, of course.
I’m aware that finding “the one”isn’t black and white. I know that love isn’t as easy as a swipe on a screen. Putting yourself out there and falling in love takes effort. And patience. And sometimes a lot of time. But these are things that don’t come to me naturally. Patience? I scald my tongue on hot French fries almost daily. Patience is not a Stanley trait.
My thumb lingers with hesitation above the notification fromHunter007when another notification pops up, tingling my cheeks.
Malcolm:Will Emma fire me if I refuse to wear a tie?
A small laugh bubbles out of me at the image of Emma yelling at Malcolm over a tie. The tingling sensation moves across my body in an instant. Anotherepisode.This time, it’s just at the thought of Malcolm. He’s nowhere in sight, and I feel his closeness as if he’s right next to me in this booth. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel his presence around me all the time. He’s always there, and when he’s not, my mind seems to always drift to him, like a security blanket.
“Aye, did you not save us some?” my Uncle Jerry’s voice booms across the diner as he storms over to our table with Lola on his heels.
“What are you doing?” I scold Lola. She dismisses me with a wave and takes the seat next to me without hesitation.
Uncle Jerry waves Sam over to order and pulls up a chair. “I had to get her out of the house. She was driving me crazy with the reely things.” He groans.
“It’s reels,” Benny corrects with a chuckle.
“I’m on house arrest. What else am I to do?” Lola snips.
“Stay. At. Home. That is the sole definition of house arrest,” I retort.
She shoots a glare at me, but I refuse to let her know how intimidating the look truly is and focus on the soggy pancake in the center of the table before responding to Malcolm.
She might try, but I think you can outrun her.
I ordered you a pancake btw!
Malcolm:No time, gotta finish this banner. See you tonight
