His gentle caress moves up my arm, past my shoulder, and settles at my neck. My eyes flutter closed when he touches a spot behind my ear, the pad of his thumb stroking my cheek for a moment before he moves it across my bottom lip. My entire body shivers as he tugs at it, need stirring within me now.
A knock at the door jolts Malcolm out of our trance first. Resting his forehead against mine, he sighs, “We gotta go.” The chatter of our teenagers bellows out in the hall, and I find myself wishing they would get locked in a stalled elevator.
A lingering kiss on the forehead is all I get before Malcolm releases my arm and heads for the door. I stay planted, feeling as if I’ve had an out-of-body experience, before shaking out every limb individually.
Arm. Arm. Leg. Leg.
Just like Ellie taught me.
I collect my things, and my thoughts, and follow Malcolm.
The chivalrous man holds the door open for me as the rest of the team races to the elevator. He runs a hand across my lower back, my wrist, my elbow—touching any part of me he can get away with as I pass him. “After you, Ms. Stanley.”
“You almost kissed?” Ellie just about busts my ear drum as she squeals on the other line. A slur of shrieks, yips, and the sound of a cat getting stepped on blare through my phone as I wait in the hotel lobby.
“I think we did…I don’t know,” I groan and slouch to an almost parallel position to the floor in my chair, receiving a few glares from the group of high-profile elderly ladies sitting at the bar. My lack of lady-like etiquette is probably offensive to their judgy eyes.
“What do you mean?” Ellie’s question is followed by some faraway whispers. Benny. Probably listening in, per usual.
“It all happened so fast! One minute we were talking about Eric, and the next we were practically Velcroed together!” I exclaim, my manic voice drawing more eye rolls. “El, I couldsmellhis breath.”
“Okay, ew.”
I ignore her. “It was, like, pre-kiss vibes out the wazoo!” I place my fingers on my throat, feeling my pulse ratchet up at the memory of Malcolm’s lips.
“Would you have kissed him? Ya know…” Ellie pauses. “…if he initiated.” She sounds giddy, her words coming out in a high-pitch whistle.
“I don’t know.” I pinch the bridge of my nose, the weight of everything filling my head with a buzzy pressure.
“Don’t lie to us,” Benny pipes in.
“Excuse me, I don’t remember dialingyournumber.” The pressure moves to my temples. I let out a gruff moan and rub one side.
“It’s my job to check on my employees.” His voice is smug on the other line.
“Don’t you have other faculty to harass?”
“Nah, no one has anything interesting going on.” A gush of air rushes out of him followed by the squeak of leather. “So, really, what are you going to do?”
“I. Don’t. Know. Bayani.” He gasps in fake offense as I call him by his Filipino name. “Can you give the phone back to my friend now?”
“Am I not your friend?”
“No.” The biggest lie I could tell anyone. Benny is the closest person I have in my life, edging out Malcolm and Ellie most days. After his parents died and he started living with Lola, we spent almost every weekend together until I was eleven, when I officially moved in with them. Even in the absence of my parents, having Lola and Benny made it bearable. Family dinners on Saturday nights were sitting on the floor around a coffee table, whooping Benny at Bananagrams, and Sundays were fighting over what movie to watch until Lola broke it up by making us watchGeneral Hospitalreruns. It was a simple upbringing, but I loved every moment of it. I felt loved and wanted every single day. Some days, it was almost enough to forget about the parents uninterested in raising their only child.
“Liar,” Ellie says in the background. They share whispers and giggles, their bliss palpable through the line.
For the past few months, the reality that my family is growing apart has been forcing itself into my thoughts like a tiny weed growing through a crack in the middle of a concrete slab—tiny and fickle but persistent as heck, and not even an entire can ofRoundUp can get rid of it. Their laughing blends with the noises in the lobby as I wait, picturing their coziness on the couch that sits in the corner of Ellie’s office. Happy—that’s what I feel for them. Truly. But it doesn’t hide the desire that I want that too. I want the giggles that make others cringe. I want the soft whispers like no one else is around.
I couldn’t be happier that Benny’s new family is Ellie. And Lola has her secret handyman boyfriend. Everyone has their person, that someone who makes them feel wanted. I just want that. And I think the closeness with Malcolm lately has started to cloud my overall goal to get that.
I can’t deny the chemistry with Malcolm, the ease of it. But being with Malcolm isn’t an option. He’s my best friend. He has his life, and I have mine. We’ve forced it to mesh overtime, tolerating each other’s quirks, like his incessant need to quote the entireLord of the Ringsfilms, or his borderline neurotic fascination with naming each of his chickens. The man has almost thirty chickens now, with no intention of stopping, and he remembers them by name. He gave each of them personalized saddles to tell them apart, because Sparkles and Cowgirl are both black and speckled, but, “they’re their own chicken and need their own identity.” Malcolm’s deep voice replays in my head at the memory.
“I think I’m just going to let the rest of this week play out, and then, when we get home, maybe discuss expectations. I have no idea what’s going on in his head, but if I want to find someone, I can’t let myself get distracted with my best friend.”
“Second best friend,” Ellie corrects.
“Myguybest friend,” I continue, annoyed at the interruption. “As I was saying…I can’t get distracted, even if it’s with a hot man that has been giving me intense vibes ever since the Christmas party. I can’t focus on that. I have to focus on the endgame.”
