“Um, yes,” Benny says hesitantly, telepathic questions being thrown at me through his gaze.What was that for? Why do you look crazy right now?
That’s what I’m assuming he’s thinking because there is no doubt I look like a maniac.
Gripping the back of my seat, my eyes feel twice their size. The truth is,Ineed help. The thought of spending an entire week alone with Malcolm right now is freaking me out for some reason. I’ve never had any concerns about this the last few years. It’s always been one of the best weeks of my year. But aftermistle-gate…with his steamy breath rippling across my face and his oaky cologne tingling my nostrils… I don’t know what to think about any of this. My mind can’t seem to land on one certain point.
Why was he nervous? Why were his lips trembling? And why did the idea of kissing him seem so appealing?
These are not the typical buddy-bro-bestie thoughts I usually have pertaining to Malcolm, and I can’t bring myself to ask him about it. I’m too chicken. And being alone with him in seminars and coach dinners will inevitably force the conversation to happen.
I don’t know if I’m ready.
“Do we have any volunteers?” Benny asks the room.
Please,somebody volunteer. My forearms burn from the death grip I have on my chair.
“Is it me, or are you afraid of going to camp with me, Stanley?” Malcolm whispers. My grip tightens as I glance at him. His eyes are still fixed on the big break room window behind me, creasing in the corners as he fights a smirk.
“N–no,” I stutter. “I just don’t want us drowning, trying to juggle all the kids on our own.” He nods anahin response, still looking out the window, coffee cup at his lips. “We really need assistance to ensure the athletes are fully supported,” I say to the room, clearing my throat.
A few head nods in agreement, but no volunteers. Of course not.
“I’ll go,” Ellie offers cheerily.
“Yay!” I whip around in my chair, reach across the table, and squeeze her.
“Honey, er…future Mrs. Divata, you will be unavailable.” Benny’s voice is pinched, like he’s trying to remind Ellie of their pre-established plans. I groan loudly into her shoulder then slide across the table back into my chair. Ellie mouths an apologetic,“I tried.”
“Alright, then it seems like we will just have the two faculty members attend. Now, let’s focus on end-of-term evaluations,” Emma says as she takes over the meeting.
Defeated, I rest my head in my hands and press my palms into my eyes. Somehow, not seeing anyone in this moment is comforting.
I hear Emma’s footsteps and the rustling of paper around me. The chair next to Ellie slides out, and Benny sits next to her. I know it’s him because I hear their whispered hellos and flirty giggles, all followed by Malcolm’s muttered,“God, help me.”
I smile into my hands at his voice. The disdain he has for the idea of love in general has always been amusing—another reason why the other night has me baffled. His eyes under the mistletoe weren’t that of disdain. They were something deeper.Intimate.A deep sea of unspoken thoughts swirled inside of them, threatening to overflow. Even after he pretty much barricaded me from open fire in the living room, the most surprising moment of the entire night was under that dang mistletoe.
“That’s all for today, everyone.” Emma concludes the meeting, and people shuffle out quicker than they came in.
“Well…looks like it’s just you and me.” Malcolm tugs on one of my curls tied on the top of my head as he scoots his chair out.
I stay seated and stare into my palms as I hear Malcolm’s boots move across the floor to the sink then the running water and clanging of his mug as he gently places it back in the cabinet. His footsteps fade until there’s silence. I blink and adjust to the bright sun shining in through the break room window and peer out at the football field. The green turf is freshly cut, the goal lines painted a crisp white. A few students lounge on the bleachers for their lunch. A few others stretch and run drills down the red track that circles the field. I give myself a second to collect my thoughts before heading to fourth period and go to stand.
“You gonna tell me what’s up?”
“Cheese and rice! I thought you were gone!” I screech as I grip my chest and lean against the table, Malcolm’s voice just about throwing me into palpitations.
He chuckles, “Sorry.”
He stares at me as he leans against the doorframe, waiting for a response. What am I supposed to say?I’m freaking out about the other night, and I don’t know how to act around you?Yeah, no. Then it would seem like the other night means something, and what if he was just joking? What if I’m the one making this more than it needs to be? The possibility of that sends erratic flutters through my chest.
Oh great, now I’m giving myself palpitations.
“Spill it, Stanley.” His eyes glisten at me like the ocean. A sea of wonder—and concern, based on the crease forming between his eyebrows. They’ve always been so captivating, drawing me in and filling me with this sense of calm I can’t get anywhere else. Like God Himself said, “I have these eyes capable of making someone feel both calm and exhilarated, and I’m going to attach them to a man so surly and grumpy that it will confuse the heck out of people.” They defy all logic.
I open my mouth to speak, like normal people should do, but nothing comes out. My throat makes a raspy, bubbly noise instead. I clamp my mouth shut because it’s clearly useless.
A ding comes from my pocket.
You’ve scored!pops up on my screen.
