Terrified and on instinct, I brace for bullet fire and turn my body into Kate’s, shielding both of us from the impact. My entire body goes instantly rigid and shaky as I hover over her on all fours. Her eyes lock onto mine. Her mouth moves, but I can’t hear what she says through the ringing in my ears. My heart pounds viciously in my chest, and my vision blurs. Everything about this says I should run for cover, but keeping Kate safe is my priority.
I stay pinned above her.
Placing her hand on my chest and splaying her fingers wide over my heart, she mouths, “It’s okay.” I don’t budge. My chest is heaving, and my arms are trembling. Images of the desert flash across my mind. The heat, the dirt, the blood. Everything around me feels fuzzy. Voices are muffled and distant. Kate’s eyes are focused on mine as her fear fades slowly as I stay planted in place. My shoulders pull tight, panic prickling at my neck as I try to focus.
Her eyes. Her cheeks. Her lips.
I catalog them one by one, confirming she’s in one piece.
A drop of water lands on her cheek. She blinks, wiping it away, then she reaches up to my cheek to wipe mine.Am I crying?She wipes again, this time on my forehead.Sweat.
“Malcolm, it’s okay.” Her voice sounds far away, but the ringing starts to subside. “Malcolm, we’re okay.” She grabs my cheeks and rubs her thumbs back and forth, wiping away more sweat. Her pupils dilate and constrict as they stay locked on me. I focus on them, the shade of coppery red on the outer edge, the dark swirl of chocolate brown in the center. I can see myself in them. A reflection of a man, pitiful and afraid.
“Malcolm, you alright, buddy?” A hand grabs my shoulder, momentarily jolting my gaze away from Kate. Benny is at my side, shaking my shoulders and pulling me up. “Sorry, man. Jerry dropped the punch bowl.”
“Darn thing sliced my pinky!” Jerry yells from the kitchen sink, a pile of broken glass laying on the counter next to him.
Kate sits up, her gaze shifting into a sympathetic frown as I straighten.
“Kate, I’m sorry,” I stutter my words. “The noise, it just—”
Her hand finds my cheek. “Shh, don’t. It’s okay.” She brushes her fingers down the side of my beard, and my body shivers in response. Her slender arms wrap around my waist and squeeze. “Are you alright?”
Resting my chin on her head, I nod. Her curls tangle in my beard again. For a moment, I don’t pull away. I can’t. I let her soft hair cushion my face as I slow my breathing. She squeezes one more time before letting go, hands grazing slowly across my lower back. What the feeling of her hands on me does to my insides is too embarrassing to admit.
“Here, drink some water.” Ellie hands me a glass as Kate steps back. The room is staring at me. Us. And the big fiasco that justhappened under the Christmas tree. Jerry is at the back of the room, mouthing his apologies. Fantastic.
If it were possible for awkward silence to be heard, this would be that time. I can hear it loud and clear. Smoothing out my beard, I chug the water and take a bow. “Merry Christmas, everyone.” Might as well make light of something awkward, or they’ll all keep staring at me.
Kate eyes me guardedly before sitting on the couch. “Bravo.” She forces a smile and single clap at this absurd situation. Nick joins her on the couch, two drinks in hand as he wraps his arm around her and whispers something in her ear.
The reindeer cup in my hand crumples.
Kate’s and Nick’s heads snap to me, her eyes widening at Dasher’s face squished in my palm. “I’m gonna go,” I grit out.
“‘Night, everyone.” I wave, hug, and shake my way through the house. “Goodnight, Lola.” I kiss Kate’s grandma on the cheek then nod to Benny and Ellie as I reach the front door.
“Malcolm, wait!” The warmth of her voice threatens to swallow me up. Kate weaves through the family and meets me at the front door. “Will you be—”
“I’m fine, Stanley,” I snip unintentionally, and she recoils at my tone. Deep breath. “I’ll be okay. I promise.” I pull her by the hem of her ugly sweater and wrap her in a hug. Her body relaxes under mine, and I follow suit. The power this woman has on my nerves is strong enough to power a nuke. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”
She speaks into my chest. “Don’t apologize. I’m just sorry you’re still going through this.”
“It’s not like it used to be.”
“Good.” She looks up at me, resting her chin on my chest, arms still around me. I could stay here, in this moment, forever. “I need to know you’re going to be okay.”
A small ringlet of hair falls across her face. I pull it away and tuck it behind her ear. “Don’t worry about me,” I say, then kiss the top of her head.
“You’re gonna have to move that a few inches south, Geer!” Paul, one of Lola’s cousins, but not an uncle, calls to us from the kitchen.
Kate and I release our hug and look at him. My confusion is clear when he laughs and points above us. I look up, and my soul leaves my body.
Mistletoe.
Kate chokes out a laugh then grabs my arm and starts to laugh even harder. A wheezy chortle leaves her throat as she points at me and then the mistletoe. The girl has tears running down her face, for God’s sake.
“What’s so funny, Stanley?”
