With the board meeting coming up, we decided to cool it on the public displays of affection. We were handling it well for the most part, until today. I leave for New York in two hours and Benny has taken every opportunity to kiss me, multiple times. I feel like I should be an adult and set boundaries, but there’s something in the air between us—a tension neither of us want to address.What’s going to happen if I get the job?
My stomach is in knots thinking about it. And by the way Benny has lingered all day, I can’t help but think he feels the same.
I shove the question to the back of my brain as I round my desk, grabbing my bag and turning off my desk lamp. “Ready to go?”
“Mmhmm.” His eyes seem darker as they dart down to my lips and back to my eyes. A quick kiss on the nose and his cheeks go a tiny bit red before he smiles and turns to the door.
The drive to the airport feels awkward.
“You have everything you need?” Benny asks.
“I think so.”
“Ticket? Wallet?”
“Yep, got it.”
Benny didn’t let go of my hand the entire drive, even when he clearly needed two hands to pull into the loading zone.
“Call me when you land?” He strokes my cheek with his thumb.
“Of course.” I wrap my hands around his waist and clutch onto him. I don’t want to admit what this feels like.
I’ll be back.
This isn’t a goodbye.
Yet, we’re hugging like it is.
He kisses me like I’m his source of oxygen, his hands clutching the sides of my face as he does. It feels intense and desperate—a need to get what we can while we can. My eyes feel blurry when we stop, for a split second I was lost in him.
“You’re going to make me miss my flight,” I joke as he rests his forehead against mine.
“I just can’t get enough.” His smile is weak as he kisses my forehead. “I’ll see you soon.”
Standing on my toes, I bury my face in his neck. “See you.”
He kisses my head then pushes me towards the sliding glass doors of the airport. He looks sad when I wave back at him before I race to my gate.
I make it with only two minutes to spare—the haste and panic of missing my flight distracting me from Benny. Until take off, then all I do is think about him.
The flight is only a few hours so I try to nap it off, no luck.
I try talking to the person next to me, they’re uninterested.
I cave and pay the ten dollar Wi-Fi fee.
Benny proceeds to send me a plethora of steamy selfies—one driving away from the airport, another at lunch, licking hot sauce off his thumb, and one at the gym, his sweat soaked shirt leaving me in pieces. I think the older gentleman in the seat next to me was conflicted on how to feel about me and my uncontrollable giggling and feet kicking. We text back and forth about nonsense my entire flight, still ignoring the fact that I am going to another state to interview for ajob.I feel absurd about the current situation, but I don’t feel ready to address the technicalities either. Especially when those technicalities can be the end of something so good.
After I land I grab a taxi to my hotel and check-in. Once I get to my hotel room, I try to use the extra time to prepare for my interview. The view is congested, busy nightlife, with honking and yelling down on the streets. I look down from my hotel window and remember why I needed this place so bad, no room to think down there.
My phone dings from my bag.
My chest all of sudden feels achy looking at the glowing screen of my phone, Benny's name at the top. Imisshim, and it hasn’t even been a day.I'm a crazy person.I text him back, telling him about my long journey from the airport taxi to the inside of the hotel, then up the elevator to my room. He sends a laughing face, followed by a picture of his legs snuggled under a blanket, Frankie curled up on top of said blanket,The Princess Brideplaying on his television.
Instead of responding, I toss my phone back on the bed and pull out my clothes and steamer for the next day. My skirt has a wrinkle down the middle that won’t come out after multiple steam cycles.Why do I even own this?I chuck it into the trash. My face feels hot and my heart is fluttering rapidly as I pace back and forth. Ihatewrinkles.
Anger is building up inside me and I know it’s irrational, but I’m not stopping it.
