“I know you like pasta, so I made some homemade meatballs tonight.”
“That sounds wonderful. Can I help?”
He said I could set the table.
When I opened the cabinet to get the plates, I saw there were a couple of little dishes on the side. My initial reaction was that of jealousy. I hated that about myself. Of course, he’d had other littles in his life before. He was a grown-ass man. But then I saw the plastic wrap still on them. They were new. I wasn’t cocky enough to think they were for me, but I was hoping to be the first one to use them.
The dinner was amazing. I loved meatballs—good meatballs, frozen meatballs, even the crappy ones at some of the sandwich shops. I’d never had any as wonderful as these.
“That’s my grandmother’s recipe. Hers are better than mine, but I do okay.”
“You’re more than doing okay.”
I ate enough meatballs to feed a neighborhood. Zero regrets.
“It looks like you have a lot of projects happening here.”
“Yeah, there’s a ton on my to-do list.”
“Did you recently buy the house?”
“Depends on what you mean by ‘recently,’ but sort of.” He explained how it was a family home that his grandparents had lived in and then his parents had. I loved listening to him talk about his family, the love he had for them shining bright. They loved and accepted him for who he was. They probably didn’t know he was a daddy, but they knew about him being gay, and they didn’t look at him as any less for it.
That wasn’t something I could say was true for my family. They’d finally gotten to the point where they ignored it, but they always saw it as their failing somehow, which was why I went home as rarely as possible.
I helped clear the table, and we opened the desserts.
“These are adorable! Where did you get them?”
He plated up the pastry. They were all shaped like cuteness. One was a chicken, another a duck, a third a teddy bear. I dared anyone to look at them and not smile.
They weren’t realistic in a way that would make you feel gross eating them, like some I’d seen on the internet. They were just cute, little cartoony fun. I couldn’t wait to try them.
“There’s a new bakery on Fifth and Windy Road. They have a lot of variety, but they had an entire shelf of all these cute designs. According to the reviews, they taste as good as they look.”
The reviews were right. They were delicious.
I offered to help with the dishes, but August said to leave them until morning. He didn’t want to waste time with me washing dishes. It was sweet. I still felt bad. He shouldn’t be doing all the work.
Instead, we sat on the couch to pick out a movie.
And that was when I made my mistake. I yawned.
“Looks like somebody is ready to go home. I’ll grab my car keys.”
I grabbed his wrist. There were many things I wanted to do tonight. Going home wasn’t one of them.
August had been very clear about what he wanted from our dates, seeing that I needed it after the dinner delivery fiasco. It was only fair I gave the same energy back. If only it were that easy.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes. I just… I…”
“Take your time to say what you need to say. There’s no hurry.”
And those were the exact words I needed to hear to gather up my bravery and ask for what I wanted.
“Instead…maybe…could I stay here? With you? In your bed? After we do…things?”
