The Ed doesn’t respond. Obviously. It’s an Ed.
“Farewell, Ed. Enjoy being dead somewhere else.”
Another Ed passes. This one seems to be moving slower than the others. Taking its time. Sightseeing on its way to the afterlife.
“Pick up the pace, Ed. You’re holding up the line.”
Bob materializes beside me. His posture radiates disapproval.
“What? Someone should say goodbye. It’s polite.”
Bob’s form ripples in a way that clearly saysI did not bind my immortal soul to the Valkyrie line for this.
“See you later, Ed. Have a good one, Ed. Tell the other side Finn says hi.”
Patricia appears on my other side, notebook out, scribbling furiously.
“Are you documenting this?”
She doesn’t look up. Just keeps writing.
“Patricia. Are you writing down my Ed farewells?”
More scribbling.
“That’s going in the historical record, isn’t it? ‘Finn Veylan, legendary chaos mage, talked shit to eight thousand dead people.’”
Scribble scribble scribble.
“I’m going to be a footnote. A really embarrassing footnote.”
An Ed bumps into the Ed in front of it. The first Ed wobbles. The second Ed wobbles. A third Ed, seemingly unrelated to the collision, also wobbles.
“Did you see that?” I point. “That Ed just caused a three-Ed pileup. That’s a multi-Ed collision. An Ed-cident.”
Torric pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’m going to kill you.”
“You can’t. I’m essential to the polycule. Also, Kaia would be sad.”
“She’d get over it.”
“Rude.”
Another Ed shuffles past. This one has a weird lump on its head. Or maybe that’s just how Eds look. Hard to tell. They’re very… Ed-shaped.
“Hey, Lumpy Ed. Looking good. Love what you’ve done with your… lump.”
Aspen appears at my shoulder, quiet as always. “Are you naming them?”
“What? No. They’re all Ed. That’s the point. They’re Eds.”
“You called that one Lumpy Ed.”
“That’s a descriptor, not a name. Totally different.”
Another Ed passes. This one seems to be moving sideways somehow. Diagonally. Against the flow of Ed-traffic.
“Where’s that one going? Ed. Ed, buddy. The Gate’s that way. You’re going the wrong—and he’s gone. Okay. Godspeed, Diagonal Ed. You do you.”
