The realization hits hard, but the bond doesn't care. It forces me to feel every flutter of her pulse, every spark of attraction she feels for the man beside her. My body responds like her desire is my own—muscles tensing, breath coming shorter, hardening with want that isn't mine to claim.
I should leave. Should tear myself away from this torment and let her have this moment without my unwanted presence contaminating it.
But I can't move.
Finn's hand finds her face, gentle and sure, and even from this distance I can see the way Kaia melts into his touch. The bond thrums with her anticipation, with the growing heat between them, and my treacherous flesh betrays me completely.
Then Finn kisses her.
The bond explodes.
A sound rips from my throat—half growl, half groan—as the full force of Kaia's pleasure crashes through me. My knees buckle, and I catch myself against the tree, bark splitting beneath my grip as I fight to stay upright.
The connection is merciless. Every sensation Kaia feels becomes mine—the warmth of Finn's lips, the way her heart races, the liquid heat that pools in her belly. My vision blurs as arousal slams through me, my body responding to her pleasure like it's my own touch bringing her such joy.
I can't breathe. Can't think. Can only feel as the bond forces me to experience every second of her choosing someone else.
Heat coils at the base of my spine, muscles going rigid as I fight against the overwhelming rush of sensation. My pulse hammers so hard I can feel it in my skull, and the ache between my legs becomes almost unbearable.
This is what I've reduced myself to. Standing in the shadows, getting off on the woman I love kissing another man.
"Well, that's fucking pathetic."
I whirl around, heart slamming against my ribs, my body still betraying me even as I try to compose myself.
Malrik stands a few feet away, arms crossed, silver eyes gleaming with sharp amusement as he takes in my disheveledstate. Of course he followed me. Of course he'd witness this humiliation.
I clench my jaw, forcing my breathing to steady, willing my body to stop reacting to emotions that aren't mine.
He smirks, but there's no warmth in it. "Are you really going to stand here and get off watching her kiss someone else?"
A snarl tears from my throat before I can stop it, golden magic crackling around me in warning. But Malrik doesn't flinch. He never does.
"You're feeling it, aren't you?" His voice is conversational, almost curious. "Every second of what she feels for him."
I don't answer. What could I possibly say?
His laugh is low and cutting. "This is rich. The great Kieran, brought low by a bond he forced into existence."
"Shut up, Malrik." The words come out rougher than intended.
"Why? Not enjoying the connection right now?" He takes a step closer, shadows writhing around his feet. "That bond you decided we all needed, whether we wanted it or not?"
The blood pounds in my ears, but I can still hear him perfectly. Still feel the lingering heat of Kaia's desire threading through my veins like poison.
"Tell me," Malrik continues, his voice dropping to something softer but infinitely more dangerous, "how does it feel knowing she's not just accepting Finn, but choosing him? Actively wanting him?"
I turn away, but there's nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide from the truth he's throwing at me.
"You really thought she'd always be yours, didn't you?" His words are surgical in their precision. "Thought if you waited long enough, fate would hand her back to you. That you wouldn't have to fight for her, wouldn't have to earn her."
The air feels too thin. I can barely draw breath past the tightness in my chest.
"You spent centuries waiting for her to be yours," Malrik says, and now his voice carries something almost like pity. "But did you ever stop to think that maybe you were supposed to be hers instead?"
The question lands like a blade between my ribs. Because the answer is no. In all my planning, all my certainty about destiny and bonds meant to be, I never considered that I might have to prove myself worthy of her choice.
I can still feel her through the bond. The lingering warmth of her joy, the satisfaction that comes from being truly seen and accepted. And none of it, not one single spark, is directed at me.
