Her nerves slowly twisted into a mix of anger and agony as she held the man’s lifeless body on the ground.
An innocent man just died.
Her heart grew heavy, and while suppressing her tiny sobs, she gently closed Richard’s eyes.
The heavens released a heavy downpour on their lands still, and Lily hoped Fletcher and his men would catch the men responsible for this. Every last one of them.
It wasn’t just Killian’s brother who deserved justice. Every man, woman, and child who had died in every raid on the McColl villages. Every soldier who had lost his life. They all deserved justice.
28
“You are wounded,” Lily said to Killian sometime later as he paced around his study. “You should let me take a look.”
When she drew closer to him, he raised a hand to stop her.
“I need to think,” Killian answered, his throat too tight to make out any other words.
He had just lost his one chance at ending all of this for good, and he could not even protect Richard from their attackers.
It’s my fault… He is dead because of me.
Tears burn his eyelids, but they didn’t fall. Killian couldn’t lift the weight crushing his heart. He rubbed the back of his neck and continued pacing because it was all he could do to stay relaxed.
“Killian…”
He snapped then, growled, and swept off every item on his desk to the ground with one swing of his hands. His lamp broke as it crashed to the ground.
Lily gasped behind him and jerked out of the way. Killian wanted to scream and let out his anger so he could breathe. The one way he could think of doing that was by breaking things.
When he slammed his hands down on the desk again, pain reverberated through him and snapped his muscles into tight knots.
“Killian,” Lily called and moved towards him again.
He felt her soft hands on his arm, and she slowly turned him around to look at her.
Her eyes were soft on his, they offered comfort, but Killian didn’t want to feel at ease. He couldn’t when he kept failing at every task he had taken up as Laird of his clan.
I can’t protect my people. I can’t protect visitors… I can’t find my brother’s killer.
His chest heaved in as he drew in deep, shaky breaths, and his lips pressed into a thin line.
“This is not your fault, Killian. You know that… There’s nothing you could have done.”
Lily’s words whooshed over him, and he could let them ease his aching heart, but he would not do that.
Killian shook his head. “Itismy fault,” he answered, his voice tight. “I cannae protect anyone… I cannae…” he trailed off and swallowed hard. “Ye should return to McLennan Castle,” he added without thinking. “I cannae have ye here any longer.”
“Killian…” Lily mumbled, her brows furrowing as she shook her head softly. “Just take a deep breath and—”
“This isnae about takin’ any deep breaths,” Killian yelled, dragging his arm out of her reach so she staggered away from him. “I dinnae want to stay calm. A man is dead! He died because I brought him here and I couldnae protect him.” His voice thundered louder around them, and he saw her eyes widen.
He couldn’t tell if her expression was from shock or fear, but he needed her to leave his land right now.
I cannae protect her. I willnae put her life at risk.
“Killian—”
“Listen to me, Lily,” Killian roared, stepping towards her so he could grip her shoulders and shake some sense into her. “Listen to me and get out while ye still can. I cannae protect anyone.”
